Work

Hi…I’m in the same position as you, wondering how the hell we deal with all this and juggle work. My husband has secondary Oesophagul cancer, and to be honest I don’t know what’s more stressful…..the stress of worrying about what’s to come with my husband or coping with work and the worry of losing time and money. I have no advice for you, but your not on your own

Hi Jude, Thanks for taking the time to respond.

yeah I feel your pain and almost feel selfish worrying about what is minor in comparison to what they’re going through but the stress of juggling it all is a nightmare and obviously don’t want to burden my wife with this either.

Anyway wish you well with this BS cancer journey! Good luck 

HI - I'm sorry you are having to go through this.  I don't know anything about work regulations but I think if you look on the Ask an Expert  section there is a Work expert who can help with your rights.  Hope you manage to get things sorted.

Hi, so sorry you are going through this , the McMillan nurses, please phone them, they will advise and even help you with any forms you may need to fill in , there’s carers allowance, even though you need to work, this will help should you need pay, there’s mobility allowance…there’s a multitude of help out there …please phone them …they will point you in the right direction xx 

I don't think you should downplay it. it's not minor is it really. I am in a similar situation with my husband who has stage 4 prostate cancer. He's awaiting another scan and then review appointment for results and further treatment. I am off work at the moment due to the overwhelm of it all. Since I told my line manager I would need time off to take him for scans etc the floodgates seem to have opened. I am hoping to find a resolution so I can work from home and am waiting to discuss this with them. Have you discussed more flexible working with your manager? I don't know obviously if your work can be done from home but you do need to have that conversation with your management. You are legally entitled to request flexible working and letting them know your situation is the starting point. Wishing you well It's not easy. X

Hi - I went through similar emotions 

I did work initially but in the end had to take a month off (fortunately with occupational sick pay) - but then went back to work again, flexibly but in a much better place

However husband then ended up in hospital 5 weeks later (several major issues and 3 surgeries later) I had to go off again for a month, which turned into two

hes now had a terminal diagnosis and I’m on a 3 month note - each one does say “familial stress” as employers often “worry” about stress on a sick note relating to work…

im about to go on half pay which is a concern but being with husband at this time just has to over ride that 

I would say read all the small print in any kind of insurance you might have though (not just life insurance) as some will pay out on a cancer diagnosis 

thoughts are with you though at this tough time x

Just an update (for me really to process the absolute shit that has happened since this initial post)…

we decided to bite the bullet and empty the piggy bank to pay for private treatment (we were supposed to get married this coming summer but have had to empty the savings).

the surgeon and the treatment was honestly night and day different to that received at the previous hospital so in the end it felt like an easy decision.

our initial consultation did bring up some surprising information that had been omitted from the previous hospital - 1. Not only were the margins not clear after the 2nd op but they also found a 2nd invasive tumour and also no negative margins for dcis. Also “upgraded to grade 2” not grade 1 as advised by the original hospital.

the original hospitals treatment plan of taking half the breast and immediately reconstruct with tummy fat was immediately quashed by the private surgeon surgeon stating that he “would stop short of calling that ludicrous” because how can they reconstruct before they are entirely sure all cancer is removed… a very good point.

we had a 2nd consultation last week where he very thoroughly explained the procedure he was proposing explaining a different entry point would be required and that further scarring and a more drastic surgery was required. Just about got our heads round that but had to go back for further scans this evening so he could see the exact location of previous cavaties from past surgery. … But the radiologist found 2 further areas for concern that required immediate biopsy and will affect the original plan for surgery.

if cancerous (myself and partner already know they will be) then it’s a mastectomy.

when questioned why these areas weren’t picked up on the original scans form the previous scans at the initial hospital we were advised that they hadn’t done an ultrasound scan on the entire breast but only one specific area!… Why?! She is a B cup so it would at exactly have took much longer to scan  the entire breast?!

yet another error…. And why did they not disclose the findings previously mentioned and why did they not rescan after finding more cancer?!

My partner is not coping well (neither am I - if it want for having 2 very young children I dread to think she/I would do) but she refuses to talk - is very angry - pushing everyone away etc.

Really don’t know how to help or how to help myself - can see no positive end to all this.

she went back to work in between ops to aid her mental health in between ops and I have continuously worked through all this but am now at breaking point.

just ranting so apologies - I know there is nothing anyone can do or say to help or make this go away but….

F U Cancer!

Dear god …private health care is another level , yet they won’t touch any previous conditions 

if only we knew in hindsight how private healthcare is so much better if affordable 

I looked into PHC initially, it wasn’t that expensive, but with everything going on with my hubby, there wasn’t a lot left that they would treat him for …maybe tonsillitis

try to stay strong xx

Hey punchbag.

Agreed if only I could turn back time and private insurance before diagnosis im sure we could have avoided 3 months of absolute agony.

the diagnosis wouldn’t change but the treatment certainly would have.

Would be hell still but the appalling level of care we have received this far from the nhs would have been avoided.

I have now taken out health insurance as the cost is not as expensive as you would think - it won’t help this situation but at least it’s there for my children should they ever need it x