My mum was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her hip on the 28/09/23. She has been in hospital since as she’s lost all her mobility in her right leg due to this. Further tests have shown the cancer is also affecting her spine and her sternum. She’s due to have a hip replacement on Saturday and then she will begin radiotherapy and physio. It has been 6 years since she had been told she was all clear of cancer after having a mastectomy and chemotherapy so this was completely unexpected. It’s been a month since we found out and it feels like I’m in the dark about everything that’s going on. I don’t even know what radiotherapy does and I don’t know what the aim of any of the treatment she’s going to be receiving is, I keep meaning to talk to one of the drs about this but firstly I can never seem to find anyone other than clinical assistants on the ward she’s been kept in and secondly when I do miraculously come into contact with a dr I don’t know how to ask my questions as it doesn’t seem like they have time for questions from me. I’ve tried asking my mum but she doesn’t like to talk too much about it because she is scared and anxious, understandably. I just feel really useless and lost and scared and I don’t know what to do. It feels like I’m anticipating the worst and I constantly feel like time is running out. It’s just me and my little brother at home so I feel like I need to be doing more to find out the information we need and support my mum and little brother at the same time but I don’t know how to. I need advice on what to do.
sorry that is so long I don’t even know what I need to say, there’s so much more I need to get off of my chest lol
Hi cndycbllcn and welcome to our community though so sorry to hear about what you are all going through.
First the easy bit - what radiotherapy does is perhaps addressed on the pages here and at the least these might give you some ideas of questions you might ask.
Often given a diagnosis everyone is really a bit in limbo and we all have to sort out our own emotions before we can really deal with anyone else. It can be amazing how it can seem easier to talk (or even type) to a complete stranger than someone we know.
With my wife's cancer I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. I was really good at anticipating the worst but that was stopping me appreciating what we have and ended up helping nobody. Life still likes to throw us a curveball from time to time though.
There is quite a good page on your feelings when somebody has cancer and I know I recognize a lot of what I went through, knowing this however can help to make those emotions seem a bit less overwhelming and that can sometimes help us feel more "normal" - whatever normal means in our lives now.
<<hugs>>
Steve
