Husband won’t eat or drink

Hey, sorry to hear this and sending love your way. My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer which has spread to various other organs within her body (this was July) she went exactly the same way, just slept on the sofa all day, hardly drank or ate next to nothing. Then only a month ago something switched and she just started being more upbeat, eating and drinking so much better now, she still has the odd days where she doesn't fancy alot of food but now, she did have a blood teansfusion nearly a month ago and I wondered if that might have helped. Not sure. It's really hard and frustrating as you are trying your best.

Would he speak to someone about how he is feeling that isn't in his close circle of family/friends?

Take care xx

Hi Jude, 

Sorry to hear it’s so tough at the moment.

I’m in a similar situation in terms of my partner’s cancer, in that it’s oesophageal, not operable and he had a block of radiotherapy for it about 4 months ago. From that side, we have been lucky in that the radiotherapy has stopped the tumour growing for now and has greatly eased my partners ability to eat. He had a pretty normal Summer after it and could go away on holiday. So the outcome of it has been worth going through; to offer some hope on that side of it in case that helps your partner too. 
However going through it was tough; the fatigue was high and eating whilst having the radiotherapy was extremely difficult so my partner lost lots of weight. It was pretty challenging to be honest. So I can see why the nurse is saying he needs to be strong enough for it. 
Different to you, my partner is up and out and focusing on his eating and intake all the time, and was before the radio as well. What helps my partner is having different food all the time - colours/textures etc to motivate him to keep eating - that’s his thing so that might not work for your partner! He has the calorie infused drinks to help as well. We try and plan in something each week to look forward to. As the other contributor has said, would reaching out to family/friends help support him? The psychological side of this is a tremendous challenge. Or some counselling? 
The other thing I’d say is to make sure you are looking after yourself too and getting at least a bit of what you need to keep going. 
Sorry there’s no mega suggestions there, but I hope some of it might help. 

Hi - I am in exactly the same position.  My husband has bile duct cancer and has lost 3 stone in about 3 months.  He lays on the bed all day, will not eat or drink - Sometimes I think it's more that he can't eat or drink.  He will only have one of the meal replacements each day as he doesn't like the taste or texture.  He doesn't want me upstairs with him as he says he can rest better but that leaves me downstairs on my own.  I don't know how to encourage him to eat or drink and not being able to talk about what is happening for him is almost killing me.

Clancy

You need to get some support from your cancer specialist, district or palliative nurses. They should be able to help you. Please ask for help. It’s so very hard when you are left caring for someone and expected to know what to do. Hugs. 

Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words..he’s been in hospital a couple of times this week due to low blood pressure, dehydration, confusion and low calcium levels. His cancer specialist has referred him now for counselling. He has a psychologist visiting him next week at home. He’s very teary most of the time and has admitted he needs a bit of help. 
im totally exhausted, but I’m off work this week and I’m going out for the day Christmas shopping whoopee  ! Lol

clancy….im just the same, spend most of my time at home on my own the emotional pain is enormous. Had a long chat with his cancer nurse yesterday which was a great help to me xx

I totally agree. I am experiencing very similar at the moment (am crying as I type). My hubby has gone from a very fit man, losing 3.5 stone in a few months. Started new chemo last Wednesday and completely wiped out. X

My husband has also gone from very fit to totally wiped out.  He has also lost over 3 stone in as many months.  He fell a couple of days ago and I couldn't get him back up so had to call the ambulance who were very helpful. I now have to contact the hospital tomorrow to try and arrange pick and and transport for his chemo.  At least the district nurse will do his pre chemo blood test on Wednesday.  I am so grateful to the District Nurse as she is arranging a mattress and other equipment to help.

It’s very difficult isn’t it  I know part of this is in relation to chemo he had last week. Our helpline told him to eat what he can (has oesophageal cancer) so got him after eights etc so they can just melt in his mouth. I have no doubt our special nurse be on the phone tomorrow, the district nurse is calling to flush his PICC. Luckily he is still mobile around the house at present. Sending love to you all x

Mine is sleeping all the time too & won't eat ,I say the same to him, that he needs his strength to fight it. He says it's because his lung is full of fluid & he doesn't feel like eating. We thought he'd beaten bowel cancer but it's spread to his lungs pelvis & lymph nodes in sacrum .Like your hubby ,he's been told it's incurable big they're trying to control it .I don't know if it's cancer fatigue & lack of oxygen  or if he's giving up, it's heartbreaking .

Sending a massive cwtch. It’s very hard. It’s also emotionally tough for us who are watching our loved ones suffer in this way. We are always here to support. I know I have been on here more over the past week when times have been exceptional difficult xx