Husband has terminal cancer

Hello Dellalea, I hear you.

I completely understand what you are going through and especially how lonely you are feeling. 

In March 2021 my husband was given months rather than years to live ( he is still with us). But the worry, stress & anxiety of living with this disease has left me physically & emotionally exhausted. Only people who have found themselves in this awful situation truly get it. 

What you are feeling sounds completely normal to me….the guilty thoughts, confusing thoughts, jumbled thoughts I’ve experienced them all. 

I try to live one day at a time, in hope not fear (not easy), & try to find joy in the smallest of things. All I can say is you are not alone & are doing an amazing job caring for your husband. 

Sending you a big hug….

Suze X

Dear Suze

thank you so much for taking the time to respond 

just to hear from someone in the same situation is a great comfort 

love 

D.x

Hi Dellalea - first let me send you a hug.

My husband has bile duct cancer and he tells people he's better than he really is.  He's not eating or drinking much but tells the cancer nurse that he will eat 5 little meals a day and drink up to 2 liters - when I ask what he wants to eat he says he'll have a meal replacement drink and even when I did 2 crackers with a little cheese on he only ate one.  I can also relate to to lonely feelings and to family and friends trying to help but not really understanding.  Been confused, scared and very guilty for thinking about what life will be like for me without him, scared of what is to come and how I am going to cope.  Also trying to live one day at a time and feel supported by members of the different forums on here.

Clancy

Dear Clancy 

differant cancer but many similarities my husband is the same eats 2 bites and that’s it unfortunately now even that small amount is causing the sickness 

he still tells consultant/nurse/doctor/friends every one that he eats 

it is such a scary time I wish this horrible situation came with a handbook to help but it doesn’t so we muddle through as best we can 

thank you for responding as I said previously it is a comfort to know I’m not the only one to feel like this 

hugs for you too 

D.

You are going through the worst, worst time. I went through it with my dad recently. Just make sure you ask for help and advice from your palliative nurses. And ask about hospice care if it is something that will help or your husband would want. My dad’s hospice was wonderful. It allowed us to concentrate on being with him. Not wondering if we were doing the right thing at home. In the end, it was the only choice, to be fair. And it became obvious when it was the only choice. He could no longer go to the toilet at home, or eat or drink much. Make enquiries about your local hospice, so that you are prepared and you know how to get him referred. If you feel it’s what you want to do.

Hi Dellalea, no you are definitely not the only one.  My husband has stage 4 prostate cancer. He still works and goes on with his life despite the fatigue and exhaustion. Recently his psa has shifted again and he needs another bone scan. It's so scary and worrying. I am still working myself but this recent bone scan appointment has tipped me over and suddenly the floodgates have opened. I have explained to my line manager and am looking to work from home in more comfortable surroundings. I am finding it next to impossible to engage at work with the general chit chat and banter and feel withdrawn from it. I have made an appointment to speak to a well-being nurse so this will be helpful to know that how am I am feeling is normal. I think it would be helpful for you to speak to someone face to face. We keep our feelings inside, constantly trying to rationalise and justify AND also we judge them. This is not helpful for us. Can you see someone independently such as a counsellor or Macmillan person or someone? Friends and family are necessary but they are not independent minds. x Jane 

My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer in December last year. The treatment he had put it to sleep for a bit and we had a fantastic 6 months treatment free and even managed to go abroad, but it’s woken back up and is increasing in size again. He starts chemo again this week, a different kind from last time. Petrified, exhausted trying to hold it together, trying to work and struggling to do so all spring to mind. I can cry at the slightest thing but try not to, although find the shower is my solace. Unless you have been through it, nobody understands what you are going through. Sending you hugs.

Hiya my husband is the same .. he has had a constant sore back and finished his treatment a month ago.  We still haven't had the results but because of the sore back he has to go for another bone scan ...  I totally relate as it has made  feel the same as yourself it has tipped me over the edge ...  

Hi it's. so hard watching the people you love go through this. I sat and prayed the day my mam passed for her to be at peace.

I have been through it all couple of times with close family. A long time ago. It was awful watching them suffer.

My husband was diagnosed NSC lung cancer about a year ago. Its stage 4.Treatment has slowed the cancer right down. We didn't think he would still be hear after a year! It's like being on a rollercoaster. He isn't giving in but he's struggling to breath a lot more.

I don't no how I will cope without him then I feel selfish for thinking it.

I will do whatever I can but i'm disabled and he is my carer. It's a nightmare.

Hi! It was like I was reading my own words. I feel exactly the same. My husband has been living with cancer for 5 years and in August this year we were told it had become untreatable and he only had a week or so! He’s still here. I love him so much but to see him suffer breaks me every day, I don’t know which will be worse, that feeling of utter helplessness or the loss of him. 

He also thinks he will get better and his family are all in agreement and all positive which is great, but they don’t see him like I do, when he goes for a Bath, skin and bones with a great big protruding liver and stomach filled with toxins and fluid which must feel so horrible, yet he says nothing about it. And no one sees it really so they can’t feel the anxiety that I feel.

I go from feeling so guilty, to angry with my husband for asking me to do something (I’m so tired). This type of grief is so unfair as you have it when they’re alive and when they’re gone. I keep wondering what I have ever done to deserve this fate (but that again is selfish) 

Here to talk any time. X