My husband, who was diagnosed with Gallbladder cancer last April, has been in hospital for most of the last month with a recurrent infection of unknown source. We've spent hours and hours in A&E (I'd naively thought cancer patients would be fast tracked!), waited over 24 hours for a bed, and he's had to spend up to 18 hours shivering in a chair. To say it's been a nightmare is an understatement. Being away from his family whilst in hospital over these weeks has been torture for him as well.
Finally this week he has been discharged for good. Following a long discussion with his Oncology Consultant he has decided to let nature takes it course and to stay at home if the infection comes back. A very tough decision to make, but as we've been advised he only has a few months, if not weeks left, we feel it is the right decision.
This morning he has a fever and aches all over. I'm utterly distraught that the moment I have been dreading is finally coming. To sit next to him and know that after over 35 years, our time together is running out is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure.
Still, everyday, I try to find some joy in our lives. A cup of tea in the garden, laughing at our cats or just holding hands.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Feel like my heart is being torn out.
Bec
