My Mum was diagnosed with Mesothelioma back in February, and were told at the beginning she would die with it, rather than from it. But on her first 3 month check up we were told she needed to start treatment and not the radiotherapy initially talked about as the cancer had grown too large, so started on immunotherapy instead. I'm the closest child she has living to her, the others are over 4 hours drive and is leaning on me, not that I mind. But since her diagnoses, I seem to be having a few health issues of my own, a infection in my breast, high blood pressure and now maybe a heart problem!
I have been taking my Mum to all her appointments, apart from a few which my eldest niece has helped with, but she now has to be back at work, even the hard ones,like making her will, POE and arranging her funeral, as she likes to get things all organised the way she wants. I am cooking mashed food for her and putting in the freezer as when I had to rush her in to A&E, she was in hospital for about 10 days and the hospital lost her teeth? She had home help for about 6 weeks as she was a shell when she came home, but she is fighting back and is now just walking with a frame, this from being totally independent and walking everyday unaided.
I work full time in quiet a stressful job, and I have to say they have been brilliant, especially as it feels like I'm only there half the time with all the appointments, treatements, lung drains, scans, etc, she and myself have been having.
But how do you all cope, as normally I'm a strong, level headed, patient, tolerant person, I don't get fazed or stressed normally, but I am now off work with stress, as I seemed to have a bit of a melt down a few weeks ago, I had to walk out of my office the other day, as I felt like I wanted to rip someones head off, and my was about to explode. I haven't told my Mum I am off work with stress as this would make her feel terrible, as she is so grateful for what I am doing for her, I have done my back and neck in, which I have blamed, which is a blessing in disguise really.
I've been trying to hold myself together by just concentrating on the practical things, and not thinking about how I'm feeling and I think the flood gates may have broken, and this is just the start, do I need to cry & scream more to help?
Any comments would be helpful
Hi Flump44
Sorry to hear about your mum and what you have been going through too. Perhaps slightly depressingly you are perfectly normal - just living in extraordinary times. Every year 1 in 4 people become a carer and from the point of view of an employer this often happens to their most experienced and valuable staff.
Some years ago I could have written pretty much the same story as you. I had said to my boss at times "I am either going to thump someone or go for a walk - which do you recommend" - strangely the walk always won.
I did a living with less stress course. A key win in the course was the idea of living in the here and how - what does today hold, since I was perhaps trying to work out how would I cope when something really bad would happen - especially how I would cope after my wife died - that was unhelpful since it stopped me appreciating what we had. Another useful trick was conscious breathing, useful for relaxing but also when life throws yet another curve ball my way - somehow we are still not immune to the rest of the troubles in the world. Transcendental meditation though did not really gel with me.
Does that mean my life is perfect - well just had another 51 days signed off work with stress after someone who should know better decided to have a go at me - but hey that is what sick pay is for after all.
Well done for coming here - scream all you like. I cry sometimes but feel like it is simply my love overflowing from my eyes and is really normal.
<<hugs>>
Steve
