My husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer a month ago and they have confirmed it’s traveled to his lungs.
I feel an overwhelming sense of sickness and nausea and although I’m trying to put on a brave face for our child I feel like constantly crying and guilty that I’m overtaking his experience.
He’s just accepted and wants to see if treatment works but is being pragmatic…..
The guilt is hard and I find myself crying at my desk and at 3am every night so that he and our child doesn’t see.
I know I need to get stronger for everyone for treatment etc but I feel …broken
Hi KW23
Sorry to read about your husband but totally get how you feel - it is very usual so I think everyone on here will recognize what you are going through. I used to cry in the shower - clearly soap must have got it my eyes if they were a little bit red.
My broken stage was some years back and - eventually - I did a living with less stress course. The big thing for me was learning to live in the moment, I was really good in painting a really dark future and how I would cope without my wife - she is still here 10 years later so all those plans/fears were for nothing. The conscious breathing exercises were great too when life decides to throw us another curve ball.
Many of our friends and colleagues say "how do you cope?" - well what is the choice really?
You mention a child, our son is 19 now but for most of his life he has been round hospitals with his mum. We have always tried to be open with him about what is happening and I think he values our honesty.
<<hugs>>
Steve
