They said my wife is in her last few weeks…

Hi Yorkie65 

I can only imagine how that message felt, my wife was always totally clear she did not want a prognosis and I struggled with that.

For your daughters remember they too can come on here or ring our helpline - basically I hope they find the help they need. I came to realise that help is very important and here and Maggie's have really helped me.

My wife and I also hit 30 years this year. Very nearly lost her 10 years ago after a major sepsis event.

There is quite a bit of information in our end of life section, mostly aimed at the patient but it might give ideas of things you could do together to make things as smooth as possible. I have also heard good things about a book "good grief" by Anne Mayer Bird and Catherine Mayer.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thanks I’ll take a look and check the book out

Hi 

I’m so sorry to hear this treasure every moment you have together ,

sending you big hugs 

Feeling much the same way - my husband also only has weeks. We have been together for 35 years. To be honest I cannot imagine life without him.

I’m so sorry to hear this ,my heart breaks for you x

Hi, I'm so sorry. This is such a horrible experience, the last two years have been a relentless journey through 6 different chemo's, immunotherapy and gamma knife radiotherapy, I just don't think her body could take anymore.

Since the treatments stopped a few weeks ago there was a brief feeling of relief but then the rapid deterioration in the last two weeks has been heartbreaking to see. The local hospice nurses and home help have been brilliant but it is so hard.

I hate the night time as I just lay awake worrying about everything.

Take care of yourself too

I’m sending you a big hug , you are in my thoughts and prayers

I too enjoyed the first week after stopping treatment - such a relief to be no longer dragging my husband out of bed to go to hospital appointments. And he started to do little jobs on the computer again. But even since the hospice occupational therapist came around last week to assess his needs, his walking has deteriorated significantly - to the point that he's now using a walking stick we once got from a charity shop for part of a fancy dress costume. His eyesight is going as the tumours distort his face. We now consider it a good day if he chooses to put on day time clothes and sit in a bed we've put in the lounge for some part of the day - on a bad day he never leaves bed or his pyjamas.

We had a long but fruitless brush with A+E over the last few days that just underlined how no-one knows how to help him any more. I'm too tired to lie awake worrying too often just now, but I can see how that might come. There was a heart-breaking time before his emergency hospital admission a couple of months ago where my husband was in so much pain just trying to swallow meds that he was lying on the bed in a fetal position to recover from a syringe of kiddies strawberry flavour ibuprofen... I do fear more times like that are ahead sometime soon. And I am aware his death could be either gentle sleep or frightening blood bath - I am obviously hoping for the former and wondering how on earth I could cope with the latter.

The wise words are "In case of emergency don't forget to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others" - I interpret that as do whatever helps you cope, as often as you need - standing in the garden for 10 minutes with my cuppa is my oxygen mask at present.

Even as I write this I'm conscious that there are people on here only just starting this journey who might not be ready to hear this yet. To casual readers that have stumbled on this, please don't think too far ahead of the stage you are at - I know it doesn't help, just adds worries about things that may never affect you. There is a separate page for carers of people with incurable cancer ( Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum ), which I visit too. Maybe Yorkie65  you'd find that one helpful too, although slightly less busy.

Bless you x

Stay strong, You and your husband are in my thoughts