I'm desperately trying to stay strong and positive for my husband who is having a difficult time getting through chemo.
But I feel so alone. Friends and family say 'ring anytime!' but I just don't feel I can call them late or in the middle of the night.
Because he's feeling so sick, we are sleeping apart and he goes to bed early. I just sit up or lie awake crying. Mornings are bad too. I don't know where to turn. In the past, he would always be there for me when I was upset. But now i feel I mustn't burden him with my feelings.
Also, I wonder if anyone else recognises this - whenever I am apart from him, especially in the evenings or at night, I tell myself that it's good to feel this loneliness, to get used to it, because what I'm doing is 'widow practice'. I'm prepping for the loneliness to come after he dies (the cancer is terminal, we don't know how long he will live)
During the day, when I am busy at work, I can distract myself and probably even come across to others as quite upbeat. But the times I used to look forward to - evenings and weekends - are becoming an ordeal.
I've never in my life posted on an online forum. But don't know where else to turn right now.
