Hi,
I was married previously. My late wife died of Glioblastoma in 2003. We had 2 young boys when she passed (8 and 10). Fast forward and I remarried last year to an amazing woman. My boys love her just like their Mum. In late April, she was diagnosed with Stage 4B endometrial serous sarcoma.
You know that feeling when you just sink.. you feel sick, unsteady? All of that in one go. I had actually thought over the years that if I ever remarried what would be the chances of cancer striking again? Surely the odds would say never. Wrong.
So I find myself being her carer -- no problem with that -- but it hit me hard. At the beginning, I drank too much -- and that caused its own issues. I know better of course, I suppose I simply could not deal with this. I had a chat with myself and sorted that out thankfully and that aspect of things is ok now. Anyway, anyone reading this.. my message would to avoid drink. Period.
I have a lot of emotions right now. We aren't that far away from retirement and we both were very healthy. Loads of things we wanted to do -- and loads of things we have already done. I feel empty now. It's like the life we had will never return -- and the life we looked forward to will never happen. I love the time we have had. The future is anyone's guess of course, but stage 4B sort of focusses you.
I'm angry at this. I feel hopeless, helpless.. and every other 'less' you can conjure up. Many will say "stay strong" etc. I am and will remain so. It's beyond unfair.
Advice to others
I found that the only way to deal with this is to allow yourself to understand what is happening -- and accept it. No amount of anger, crying (that helps tho) will change this situation. Once you accept it... you can deal with it.
Sadly, if a loved one passes, also accept it. I found myself looking at the door 'knowing' she would walk right back in. I had to accept the reality. Difficult but necessary.
This time around? Until there is no more hope, I will keep going. So should we all.
Lastly,
I'm also a little concerned that the chemo drugs she is on (the Paclitaxel/Carboplatin combo) were patented in 1971 or so. +50 years ago? I know survival rates have improved -- but that must be because of imaging (early detection) and so on. Why are we using 50 year old drugs? Just another frustration although I could be quite wrong about their origins/dates.
Take care.
Hi JamesYSK
Sorry to read your story, as we hear now 1 in 2 people will be affected by cancer at some point in their life so unfortunately your story is much more common that we might like to think - still does not make cancer the easiest conversation piece in the world though.
My wife has Leiomyosarcoma; as you are probably aware sarcoma's are rare forms of cancer. My wife's cancer was not detected before it has spread around her body and now appears to live in her lungs. She has had two different types of chemotherapy, the first caused rather a lot of complications but the good news is that the second seemed to put her cancer to sleep. With a bit of help and a fair wind we have now managed to get to a place where we can say "living with cancer" rather than "dying from cancer" - and we have been that way now for over 10 years.
Do drop by and visit us over in Soft tissue sarcomas forum and it might help too to look at the sarcoma uk webiste. We are quite lucky in that we live quite close to Oxford and that is one of the key sarcoma centres in the UK.
<<hugs>>
Steve
