Just wanted to vent if possible- my gorgeous partner of over 20 years has multiple myeloma. It can on gradually and we I Italy thought it was a bad back which he had suffered from for years due to the physical nature of his job - long story short he became very I’ll over the pandemic lost a lot of weight and was eventually admitted to hospital whereupon due to the pandemic he went into A&E and I didn’t see him for 5 months!!! During this time we got the diagnosis, he spent weeks in ICU in an induced coma, had a tracheotomy, learnt to walk again and generally it was fun all round !!!! He eventually came home in the summer of 2021 and has done well and thanks to amazing carers is semi mobile. It has of course been life changing beyond belief for him. HOWEVER there are times where I just want to shout what about me !!!!! My life has changed too- he is much needier, wants me closer at ALL times - thank god for my job - I’m a special needs teacher- I spent the whole time and continue to be the one who holds all the emotional fall out, remembers appointments, orders drugs, manages and fields social interactions and continues to smile - I am very lucky I have great friends I can vent to but sometimes honestly I just want it all to end- I want my life back- I know it won’t be the same and I am so grateful to still have him but I often just want to scream!!!
Thank You for listening
Oh I so hear you!! I want my life back too... I don't want to be needed and be forced to be a nurse, a carer, a cleaner... Sometimes I think about just running away and having fun on my own and just relaxing and then I make myself stop dreaming like that because it makes me more grumpy and unhappy. I am planning a trip to go and stay with a friend for a few days. I have said that I need to do it regularly and he wants to come and I am very harsh and I just say no, I need a break. His friends and family are no longer very supportive a year on. They have just gone back to their lives and when i mentioned to his mum about me going away she said What again? I wanted to yell at her but I didn't - I tried to talk to her in private about her son and my worries, but she really doesn't want to know. His daughter used to be very supportive but now she is too busy too. I feel very alone. Thank goodness for MacMillan and getting the chance to vent here ... no actual screaming involved but some ANGRY TYPING!! 
Take care of yourself xxx
