Am I alone

I hear you.  You are in the right place to say all these things... I have said similar so many times and this is the safest place to say it.  My partner is so different now and I just want to run away and be on my own because it would be so much easier than this life that has been forced upon us by his diagnosis.  He is lazy and selfish and can be horrible to me, and I have become petty and sarcastic and I hate it and lay in bed regretting the things i've said.  Everyone says how well we are doing and how strong we are.  They don't see the reality... after all the fuss everyone made after the initial diagnosis his family and friends have melted away and he relies completely on me.  

You're right nothing will change.  I have to accept that too and figure out how to look after myself as best I can.  If you can get away on your own then do it.  Don't feel guilty about doing things for yourself... you have to look after yourself otherwise you will be unable to look after your wife.  

Come on here and vent and rant and say all the things you want to say.  It is a very safe space and we are all going through it together.

xxx