How do I hide the emotional pain I'm consumed by- since finding out my Dad will die soon.

Hi LBSR14 

You sound like someone very level headed faced with an incredibly difficult time in life - and rather than being negative you realised the need to reach out for some support. You did it much quicker than I did though I have been here rather a long time now.

That brave face bit - really easy to write, doing it though is completely exhausting - then of course your have your children to think of too, sometimes children cope really well though it might help to look at our pages on talking to children about cancer.

In terms of what your dad will not see - this is sometimes talked about as pre-grief and can stop us enjoying every day we have now.

Hope some of that helps, it is difficult but together we can help support each other.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thanks so much for replying Steve, you hit the nail on the head. It's exhausting. In his company I keep good humour but inside I'm crumbling. In honesty if it wasn't for my children- I'm not sure how I'd be functioning. As for the pregrief this is exactly how it feels, my husband keeps reminding me he is still here. Thank you so much, it feels better just to get it out. Take care of yourself xx

30+ years ago, when I was 21 I went through the same thing with my father, although from first unrecognised symptom we really only had 7 months. Dad was my idol -  not quite a hero, but I adored him. I was the youngest child and only girl out of his 3 children. None of us were even married at the time so that's where our stories differ.

One thing I am glad of though -  we talked. It wasn't easy! We talked about his life right from his childhood, about his parents and siblings, schooldays, mischief he got up to, old hobbies and holidays. You know, the stuff that many people regret not asking. Out of those talks we relived our favourite memories. Those shared memories saw me through the dark times. It also gave me something to do because I wrote things down, sorted out photos etc and got a book printed up - just for family. Nowadays I'd do a personal website! But it meant I had something to do and I was able to share Dad's life when I eventually had a husband and children and nephews and nieces. 

There are always times when it is difficult to cope but there is no rule to say you have to put on a brave face. And anger is good too - it is all part of grief. My husband now has cancer having had a pretty healthy life so far. Yes it's difficult and I admit, this afternoon I had to get away so went for a drive. But I'm always thankful that there's this forum to vent frustrations!

You might want to plan stuff with your family ( I don't know how old your children are), maybe making cards, silly photos/videos for him and with him, cooking something together for him, but involving your family and making their own memories of your father too. Just an idea.