New to this and scared

Hi Bobbins 

Welcome to our community though so sorry to hear about your husband. If we look at your emotions when someone has cancer I know I spot lots of stages I went through in the cancer journey with my wife - she has incurable metastatic Leiomyosarcma.

My wife never wanted a prognosis and I really struggled with that, however even the best oncologists can only tell what happened historically and based on averages - but treatments advance all the time, We were told chemotherapy was often not effective against my wife's cancer but it was the only choice and somehow it worked - well at least as far as stopping any progression and her cancer has been stable now for years.

I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. I realised I was living in a state of pre-grief working out how I would cope without my wife and that was stopping me enjoying every day and not helping anyone. Life still likes to throw us curveballs of course and the conscious breathing exercises are great for dealing with some of these but also they can be good for general relaxation too.

Well done for reaching out though, I hope you find the community helpful, strange how typing at a complete stranger can feel so comforting but by posting you will also help others in a similar situation to ourselves feel less alone.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you for taking the time to type all that I will investigate. Really appreciate it 

Start by making a list of everything you will need to be able to do. Also include any passwords you may need that your husband uses. I found by making lists it really helped me to make sense of things. The feeling of fear when you wake up will fade eventually, I wish I could tell you it goes away soon but it doesn't, but it will get less. I suggested a book on another thread which was a massive help to me when my partner was diagnosed, its called How to survive losing a loved one, by Karen jackson taylor and christine pearson. Its full of practical info on what to do as well as emotional support. You are likely still in shock which makes it harder to function, but you will become more confident the more things you do, taking back some sort of control  really helped me, I felt so helpless about the diagnosis. You will calm down my lovely, it just takes a little time. Sending hugs your way xxx

Hi Bobbins, i just wanted to say I'm in the same boat as you right now with my husband and I really resonate with what you say about the fear - its debilitating.

CBD oil has helped take the edge off the panic for me and I also had to instantly give up coffee etc for fear of a panic attack. 2 months almost post diagnosis and i have managed a couple of coffees this week. Initially, I couldn't work etc but have managed to do a little bit more with each week.

The fear can be paralysing but the best thing I've found is trying to focus right here, right now. Is everything okay this second/ minute? If it is, take a deep breath and focus on whats happening right now. This simple mindfulness can help to quell some of the panic and fear as those emotions are triggered by the thoughts of what will happen at a later date. Try and reign your brain in and focus on right now. Hope this helps a little. 

Thank you