I admit I never considered the complexities of the carer role before hand. Now having experienced the emotional roller coaster of life as a carer I honestly am not sure what is the worse role, carer or patient.
I was the primary carer for the wife but I think I wanted everything to remain as they were, I didn't want them to change. I juggled caring, housekeeping, medical matters, a full time job and the family but I wanted the status quo to be observed, an impossible situation I know. In her final weeks she was incapable of being left alone, the brain mets meant her behavior was unpredictable to say the least, but I hoped we could stay the same.
I have rewritten this message several times, each with different levels of information. Could I have done it different? could I have coped a little longer? did I let her down? She died on the 30th of May this year and was buried this week, I am wracked with guilt. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, I play it over and over in my head, I missed being with her when she passed because I came home for a shower and fell asleep. I could have made it, I should not have made excuses, I could have done more.
Now she is gone it is too late to do any more, now there is only grief and bereavement.
Hi PaddyJ
So sorry to read about your wife; I know how difficult being a carer can be and certainly at times I came close to breaking - indeed it was only when I first went in to a Maggie's centre and finally let go I realised how badly I was affected.
That missing the moment of passing - it happens much more often than people might like to think. However when we look at what you went through it is not suprising.
Grief is also a process and takes as long as it runs, however I wonder if it might help you to talk to someone, I hear some good reports about both cruse bereavement care and the loss foundation
<<hugs>>
Steve.
