My mother in law has terminal bowel cancer. She stopped active treatment four months ago now and since then my partner and I have been looking after her in her home. Up until recently she’s maintained some independence - able to get to the toilet herself and wash herself - but is bed bound most of the day and unable to get downstairs. We’ve not worked in months, barely seen friends or had any sort of fun. Now we’re at the stage where one of us has to be in the house at all times to help her to the bathroom if needed. I want to put her needs first but I’m reaching a point where after four months I just can’t be a carer anymore. She would hate a hospice and I feel so guilty for even considering it, but I’m struggling to see another option and I really don’t feel I can go on anymore - I crave normal life and my mental health has taken such a battering the past few months. I feel I’m rambling a bit now - I guess I wanted to hear others of being a cater over the longer term and if a hospice was ever used. Any advice or shared experiences would be appreciated!
Hi Lesley20
Sorry to hear about your mother in law, things do sound like they are very difficult. Have you had any help looking after her or any respite care - if not I am not surprised you feel burnt out.
Although it was not cancer my wife and her family looked after their dad at home for as long as they could but in the end had to admit they were not capable of giving the round the clock care he needed and found a care home for him. It was then much easier to visit and be a loving family rather than the carer relationship.
With my mum and dad they initially moved in to sheltered housing since they were still independent but needed someone to be on call but eventually we had to put dad in to a care home when his needs were too high.
Never an easy decision, I wonder if it might help you to talk this through with one of the consultants on the helpline.
<<hugs>>
Steve
