Mums 86 and was diagnosed with terminal cancer back in July 21. She's had radiotherapy and chemo but now its just palliative care.
She's got Breast, Bone, Liver and Lung cancer. She's got a permanent chest drain that needs draining every day now. But she struggles to breathe after they drain her.
Mums bed bound now and has carers in 4 times a day. The district nurse is in every day now. Dads 93 and partially disabled and deaf. So that leaves me as her primary carer.
The practical stuff I can do but its the emotions I'm struggling with. Don't think I've had a decent nights sleep in 2 months because I'm always on edge, always expecting the worst.
About 3 weeks ago she woke up at 2am with a bubbly chest and struggling to breath. I had sit and hold her hand until the nurse got here. Longest 20 minutes of my life. Mum was frightened and I was feeling helpless because there was nothing I could do to help her. The nurse gave her an injection and ten minutes later she's asleep and breathing better. Upset would of been an understatement. I really didn't know how to handle all the emotions. I still don't to be honest. Had a chat with one of the carers who explained what was going on. That helped a bit. But I really, really, really don't want to go through that again. Trouble is, the odds are not in my favour.
There's no timeline here so I'm just taking it one day at a time.
The family nip in and see her once in a while. My brother visits most nights. And they all say how well I'm doing with Mum.
Its me I'm struggling with a bit. Probably just having a bad day.
If there's one thing I've learned its don't try and go through this alone. The carers are brilliant and so are the nurses. There's certain things a Son shouldn't have to do for his Mother.
Thanks for listening
Hi Althalus
Sorry to hear about all that is going on with your mum and you and get that feeling of helplessness. Lack of sleep is really draining and while is is really quite easy for others to say how well you are doing that is not always the form of help we need.
Sometimes I find I need to be very direct around my needs before I get the support I need - my current GP however is really on the ball and knows how important a part of keeping our family together that means my health matters too.
Hope perhaps you feel a bit less alone by sharing but do remember if you need to talk to someone the helpline is there for everybody.
<<hugs>>
Steve
