Feeling that my mum is being selfish.

I think it might help if you were to talk it out with her, if you go on like this you will reach breaking point. Does your sister feel the same? Maybe it would be a good idea for both of you to speak to her. xx

Hi, I can empathise and it is really sad. I’m an only child and when my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago, I immediately took a unpaid leave of absence from work so I could be available to take her to all her appointments and chemo and  she lived with me, my husband and 2 kids after surgery. My mum at the moment is cancer free which is incredible. But I am fed up of the constant digs and her negative opinion about pretty much everything I do. It makes me feel like I’m being ungrateful. I’m not, I’m so thankful she is here but I’m exhausted from the negativity and feeling like I have to defend myself constantly. 
I haven’t had a conversation with her. I don’t think it’d go down well and I worry she would then not talk to me and I don’t want her to feel alone. So I don’t have any advice unfortunately but I read your post and it resonated with me so I had to respond. Lots of love. 

I am an only child, my mother is narcissistic and is always negative, so I just wanted to send you a hug x

Back at ya xx

Sometimes it’s just nice to know that others feel the same. 
You are so right though. The negativity is exhausting. Being made feel like you’re not doing enough when you are on your knees is completely deflating. 
I hope things get better for both of us. Thanks for your reply. 

I’ve now had a mild chat with her and started carers in the mornings which she isn’t happy about. My sister is weirdly on my mum’s side here and seems to think I should somehow give up my job, magically be able to pay my mortgage, and do as much as she is doing. 

I hope you feel a bit lighter as a result of your chat? Although your mum isn’t happy about the carers now, she may see it as a positive once they’ve been…. Plus it’ll lighten your load slightly. Families are tricky at the best of times but when you’re trying to be there for someone , particularly your mum, when they’re poorly and probably scared, as well as trying to work, look after your family etc it’s next level. ️

I’m going though a very similar thing with my father - he’s always been very strong headed and arrogant. He was super easy to care for at first as he was very sick and weak - but the more we rebuild him and he gets his energy back the more arrogant and obstenant he becomes as he doesn’t want to be a patient but is fully reliant on us for anything from a glass of water to the lights - funny part is he drives when he has the energy and I call it a death race cause you don’t want to be in that car. I love the dude one minute ans the next I’m angry - it’s like cause I’m there the most I’m not invisible and just sees small things others do and looks up to that. Ignoring the fact I’ve quit my job and moved in his house 

I think the only real way is to realise that cancer isn’t a reason to control someone’s life and it’s also your responsibility to not let that happen - if you can’t divide up the time and get your freedoms when needed I think you need more 

I blame me more than him - I shouted at him today and that’s not ok, I was in the right but badly handleled and yeah looking for support here myself - glad to know I’m not the only person feeling bad about this stuff 

It’s all a delicate situation. Hopefully she settles with carers at least for mornings to lighten the load. 

Hey, don’t blame yourself at all. I think I sometimes forget that all different types of people get cancer and need cared for. Some are not easy to get on with. Perhaps you feel like me; my mum has always been a bit manipulative and huffy but it’s like her diagnosis gave her a hall pass for poor behaviour. I think she really plays in the fact that people are less likely to challenge her in case they upset her. 

I guess it’s good to know that other people find the psychological part as challenging as the practical part. 

I hope things improve for you.