Hi
wonder of someone has some sort of advice. Words of wisdom.
My partner has been told he has lymphoma. He was also diagnosed with benign essential tremors 19 days before the haematology consultant appointment where we were told it is lymphoma from the ct scan. He had a lung biopsy on Tuesday just gone just to I suppose confirm everything. It has taken a bit of time to get to the biopsy as he also got bells palsy over Easter weekend and of course this was prior to the cancer diagnosis so he had to come off the steroids he was given for the Bell’s palsy so that they didn’t mess effect the biopsy. Also because the lymphoma is in his lungs and stomach it wasn’t a slightly more complicated biopsy to gain access.
we have had 6 months of him being unwell I have been looking after him while we got to the bottom of everything, not being able to work so dealing with that stress as well. I am however finding it really difficult with his mood swings, I never know what mood he is going to be in, like yesterday he got angry with me because i happen to say something as a bit of joke and he started having a go at me and when I told him I am sick of him being rude to me I got you are always shouting at me and are sulky. Which isn’t true. I am to the point yes but certainly haven’t shouted at him. He has no awareness of the stress and how upset anyone else might be or that by his rudeness he is pushing me away! I have been doing my absolute best to look after him, deal with him refusing to engage in any information on his cancer, even refusing to know about his biopsy procedure. The consultant has said that it is treatable but they way he is behaving is like it is not.
I have tried talking to him about him not engaging in it and about that he has to try and engage, but he doesn’t. I know that the tiredness is really hard on him and not being able to eat, but he won’t even understand that he has to move a bit. I also think he has depression understandably, everyone friends and family that has visited have said he is depressed as well but I dare not even suggest that otherwise I get told off by him.
I am finding it incredibly hard like I am sure many people do. Also I am literally dreading the next week-10 days while we waiting for the biopsy to come back and for us to see the consultant with a treatment plan. The MacMillan team have said they will chat with us when we go in, but I sort of feel I need a bit of support now. We have family nearby but I don’t have any friends I can go for a coffee with as we moved out of London in lockdown to Derbyshire. I can of course chat to my parents and my partners family, but at the same time i don’t want to overload my 70 year old parents and my partners 80 year old mum plus anything his mum says which is well meant he gets annoyed about.
It is so hard dealing with a person that is not normally like this, we have never argued in 16 years until recently. Yes we have disagreed but arguing not like we have recently and me feeling like if I open my mouth to make a suggestion of something I have read on the MacMillan website will get jumped at.
Hi Nattybr5
I’m Steph from Macmillan’s Online Community team. I hope you will find the Community to be a comforting source of support. We see every day how helpful it can be just to be able to share your feelings with others and access peer support when you need it.
I hope you don’t mind me responding here today to offer you some further support with the worries that you’ve shared. I’ll also bump your post up to try and make your post more visible, so that members might also respond to offer some support.
I wanted to reassure you that Macmillan are here to support you whilst you’re doing your best to support your husband. I’d really encourage you to give our Support Line a call. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
There is also another national UK cancer charity called Penny Brohn, who provide counselling support for those affected by a loved one’s cancer diagnosis. It could be good to reach out to them here.
I hope this is all helpful and that you’re able to reach out for some additional support. Please do let us know if you have any questions – you can contact us by email at community@macmillan.org.uk
I hope the Community helps to show you that you don’t have to go through anything alone.
Kindest Regards,
