Struggling to get my head around things.

Reading this I realise why you reacted to my earlier post on the limbo thread. This caring role is really the hardest thing to do. It is very early days for you, having only learned this news a couple of days ago. I think it took me 9 months to get to a place where I had mostly come to terms with my husband's diagnosis. I don't want you to think 'I can't wait that long to feel normal again', just know that, whatever time it takes you, take there will come a point where you have come to terms with the diagnosis. In those early days, while I was on the edge, I had to keep reciting to myself 'right now, today, he is here and he's OK, let's do what we are able to do'. And I'm glad I used that to push me on to make ordinary things happen. I know that there will be a 'last time' to many of them, but I try not to dwell too much in 'will this be the last time we can...?' because imagining the future for us still hurts.

Thank you for your kind words and advice. That seems like a very method of getting through the times ahead..

take care of yourself

On the 17th Feb 2022 my husband was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer, like your wife he is extremely positive, he's been doing well but there are good and bad days - I on the other hand have been falling apart internally for over a year now.  I TOTALLY understand what you're going through!  I don't cry in front of him anymore, I try and mirror his positivity and his incredible strength dealing with all this but it's a daily battle to keep my anxiety levels in check.  All friends and family are in South Africa, we've been here for 4 years, so sometimes the loneliness is incredible!  I'm a Christian and have to say if it wasn't for my faith I think I would probably have gone insane by now!  I wish you and your wife all the best, know you're not alone, it's ok to feel helpless and useless when the love of your life is going through their most difficult journey and there is essentially nothing you can do about it:-(  All we can do is be supportive, caring and have faith that God has a plan for everyone - even if it doesn't seem that way.  Sending you both much love and a virtual hug:-)

Thank you for words. I’m doing better now, I have spoken to people and I’m more positive about the future although I know there will be tough times ahead.

I hope you keep your strength and your husband makes a full recovery. At times the positivity can be tough and make you feel unworthy but for them to be like that is truly the best thing.

take care and all the best for the future.

So sorry to hear that you and your wife find yourselves in this situation. In many ways I think it is harder for the partner and family members to get to grips with what is happening when someone you love dearly is ill.

I too was diagnosed with ovarian cancer back in September 2022. ....tears were shed. It is a shock, isn't it? I had been unwell for a time so went into this with a fairly pragmatic attitude, just taking one day at a time and doing what had to be done. I had my debulking surgery at a big hospital that specialised in this procedure in November. this was difficult it is true, but the team at the hospital were so professional and caring, they gave us confidence that we were in good hands. Just before Christmas I was well enough to start chemotherapy at my local hospital and have just completed my 6th and final treatment. The nurses are lovely and will help you and your lovely wife with anything you are worried about. I am pleased to tell you that my end of chemo scans have come back showing 'no visible cancer'. Good news indeed. Follow up care will continue of course, but we have come out with a new appreciation of life and each other. 

Although my husband is kind, he is the type of man that generally looks the other way where illness is concerned.....but....I have seen a side to him that has made me love him even more, He HAS coped with what we have had to go through, and we are stronger now. He has taken me to all my appointments, made me comfortable at home, and generally looked after me. You can do this too. Facing a crisis together will bring you closer, and you will find your priorities change as you go along. You will even find there are many laughs along the way.

I haven't posted here before although this online community has helped me a lot as I have been through my own difficulties. I wanted to reassure you that the diagnosis your wife has is frightening and you feel as if you are both stepping into a world you may know nothing about, the support from the professionals will amaze you. We are so lucky to have a health system that helps us when we most need it. No matter whether you are rich or poor, or have insurance or not. (My sister lives in the USA and her husband had cancer, so we compare notes on this one!)  

So this is a big thank you to all the Surgeons, Doctors, Nurses, Admin staff, and the volunteers! There will be ups and downs, but hey will be there for you and your wife. along with patient support groups such as this one. You are not alone.

I wish you and your wife well.

Being the loved one of someone with a cancer diagnosis is one hell of a rollercoaster. Your feelings can change minute by minute as you bounce from "we will get through this" to "how as I going to cope?". You are not being weak, its incredibly hard to keep your emotions together as you try to be strong for the other person. You feel that you are somehow letting them down by showing your own fears but you aren't. I dont think anything good ever comes of hiding your feelings at a time like this, it is (in my opinion) important that you see each others strengths and low points during this journey. My partner was diagnosed in february with untreatable liver/gall bladder cancer and it was a bolt from the blue. During the last few hellish months there have been times when each of us have held the other up. We have both had good and bad days and have always been honest about how we are feeling. She finally lost her battle 2 days ago, and I am thankful we were able to support each other. You are NOT weak. By being open and honest about how you are feeling will allow you both to go through this together, without each of you worrying about the other hiding their feelings. As a spiritual person myself, I agree with your wife, and it sounds as though she is taking comfort and strength from it. You are going to be fine, just be there for each other and never feel guilty about feeling you are letting her down by not being strong enough. Together you can do this. x

That is great news he’s come through it, and for you too. Thank you for the lovely words, they mean so much and I hope you both have many years of good health in front you.

I am so sorry for your loss and you have all my sympathies. I admire your strength to write this so soon after which makes your reply so much more special. 
I wish you all the best for the future and the times ahead. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on.