Hi, I'm new here 
My husband and I are in our forties, been together 20 years and have a 10 year old. Husband has had an incurable cancer since 2015, which has been kept at bay through varying lines of treatment over the years. He's now on maintenance chemo, which he'll be on for as long as it lasts - after that, there's possibly one more line of treatment that can be tried.
He's fought ferociously and has spent the last 8 years bonding with our child and ensuring that we make lasting family memories. I'm immensely proud of how he's handled everything.
Unfortunately, but inevitably, though, it's changed him and the person he is. I understand this and don't blame him, but he's increasingly hard to live with lately. I'm constantly walking on egg shells and some days it feels as though he's criticising every little thing I do or say. I know he's depressed as he's told me he's unhappy - this is completely understandable as he's in a lot of constant pain and has to mentally deal with his prognosis too, but I'm finding it more and more difficult to cope with his attitude and moods. I feel so guilty about this, but I sometimes look forward to days when he's off at medical appointments so I can feel more relaxed.
He's in touch with support groups, and has an excellent medical team so I don't think there's anymore external support we can access. My feelings are all byover the place - I love him, but sometimes I don't like him very much. I'm reaching the end of my tether.
Hi KTM4810 and a warm welcome to our family.
If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer I know I see lots about me - what I see in your message above is a lot about your husband and rather little about you - I recognize that in what I did - until I broke.
My first contact with support for me was when I walked in to the Maggies centre at my local hospital - about an hour of crying out my story they helped me form a plan for my next step.
Later I did a living with less stress course. Got me to focus on enjoying now rather than disaster planning for the future - I was very good at that but mostly the disasters did not happen. The conscious breathing exercises were good too both for general relaxation but also for dealing with when life decides to throw us a bonus curveball.
As a carer you have rights too, it might be helpful to get in touch with carers uk.
From what you say I feel you should be immensely proud of everything you have done too. We have sometimes had the "I love you but at the moment I don't like you very much" conversation even with our son when he has done something that let him down.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Thank you. I'm 100% spent. I'm so done with it all. There's not a day goes by where his words or tone don't upset me. I can literally do nothing right. I do actually think I wouldn't still be here putting up with it if our circumstances were 'normal'.
I need to find a carers group I can go to before I break and say something I'll regret. Thank you everyone for the advice 
