Hi everyone,
I'm very new and realised I need something to help and guide through this bizarre predicament we find ourselves in - so here I am.
My partner of 13 years has very recently been diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer.
It's come as a total shock to all of us. He wasn't well since Christmas thinking he had a stomach infection, even the GP thought that what it was until he had horrendous reaction to the steroids they prescribed him. Anyway after a 12 night stay in hospital he came home this week and all of a sudden I can't seem to cope. I keep crying and feeling really anxious.
I live with my partner who has his 2 kids (21 & 17) who stay over with us 50% of the time and 50% with their mum who lives locally.
During his hospital stay, I had one evening at the start where the 21 year old stayed over with me at our house and we had a nice evening. The rest of the time, I only saw them when they visited their dad in hospital as they stayed at their mum's. Now he's home, they have come over to stay.
I feel really upset and feeling really selfish as I'm really worried about the future. His prognosis isn't great even though he seems OK at the moment and just gets very tired.
What also is challenging is that he has told his all family he has 5 - 10 years life expectancy even though the consultant has said (still waiting for full test results to come back) that he is 9/10 on the Gleason Scale and said 6 months to 2 years is normal for someone in his position. He's told me to lets pretend that he has 5 - 10 years so I don't think he has accepted the situation.
We have worked together for a number of years - it's his small business, lived together for 12 years and all our hobbies etc are together. The house is rented in his name.
So absolutely selfish as this sounds I'm really scared that I am going to loose him, loose the relationship with his kids, have no job/income and have no-where to live - all in one fell swoop.
I can't speak to him about my fears as I know from the conversations we've been having that he is ensuring his kids are financially sorted and this his main priority - which is totally understandable. He's given me lots of information/instructions regarding ensuring the kids are sorted and I would 100% carry out his wishes when the time comes, but I'm really scared of being all alone with no-one or no home/job.
Am I being selfish and need to pull myself together?
Sorry for the long post. Just need to "say" this out aloud.
