Stress levels

Hi Amypug 

You are human - just like everyone else on here. There is no competition mine is worse that yours - we get it sucks.

What helped me most was doing a living with less stress course. I needed to stop living in the future and perhaps even let slip things in the past and live in the here and now, that then can help us appreciate the good times and with a bit of effort gradually get more good days than bad.

One thing between my wife and I we came to realise that we can talk about things without actually planning to do anything - that is really helpful.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Amypug

Never feel guilty about posting on here. Your fears, anxieties and stresses are shared by us all and writing them down and sharing them can often help. I can’t offer much practical advice only to let you know you’re not alone and I understand how you feel when so many different things start to pile up on you and even the smallest thing feels huge. I sometimes feel like the biggest nag on earth to my husband as I try to motivate him but I hope deep down he knows it’s coming from a place of love and concern. I could say find time for yourself but I also know that isn’t as easy as it sounds - a coffee with a friend means the world to me at the moment.

I wish you and your husband positive news at the consultation.

Thank you both - my heart just goes out to anyone having an even harder time with this. I really appreciate the space and being able to share and just thank you for listening and giving advice. I do need to be in the now… something i need to try to stop spinning. I know thank yous can’t come across webspace easily, please know mine as deeply heartfelt.

Hey Amypug,

As others have said... if you can't be honest here amongst people who have some idea what you are going through... where can you be honest?

You've clearly got a lot on.  A cancer diagnosis creates a really volatile mix of feelings and the other challenges in your life don't just go away while you deal with it.  And living with mental health issues in the household (your own, or someone else's) is also really tough.  Everyone in the house has to deal with it.

Practical suggestions from someone with no medical background but a bit of experience dealing with a partner with cancer and mental health issues:

• Encourage him to talk to his GP about his depression and don't be afraid of medication.  It is perfectly understandable if someone with cancer has depression.  My wife was very resistant and things got "a bit out of hand" (understatement of the year) before she finally accepted medication and counselling.  Once she was settled again, a relatively low dose of mood stabilisers helped to manage her mental health so that she could start to process all the things going on in her life.
• Try to spend some time with other people as well.  The house can be a pressure cooker.  And if you are spending all your time together you run out of things to talk about.  If your partner is depressed, this might be hard to arrange, but try to set up for some mutual friends to come over for pizza or something - just so that you get something else in the mix.  And if you don't have any mutual friends, then perhaps try to recruit some of his.
• Make sure you are getting out and getting time away.  You might feel guilty doing that if he doesn't feel up to going out... but it is really important that you look after yourself and spend some time doing the things that you like to do.  You can't keep sprinting for months on end - you need to pace yourself and sometimes that means going out for a few hours on your own.  This has the added benefit of having some other experiences that you can talk about as well.
• Talk to others.  Hopefully you have friends or family around who you can tell how you are feeling.  I have a number of friends who have been prepared to sit with me and let me talk without judgment.  And my family has always been really good at just letting me talk (or occasionally cry) down the phone at them.  They weren't nearby - so couldn't come to bail me out - but they could at least let me talk.
• Try to talk to him about how you are feeling.  Not to explain to him how he needs to change.  Not that you want him to feel sorry for you.  Just that you want to be able to share honestly with him.  This is probably the trickiest one.  The main thing is for him to understand that you aren't having a go at him, just telling him about how you are feeling.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with so much.  I hope the consultation goes well.

Big hugs...

Pete