My mum is currently at the palliative care stage of her Breast cancer, having been living with it for 20 years but now it has progressed and there is now nothing further that can be done. We are trying to make her as comfortable as possible at home where she wants to be, and as pain-free as possible. We are being supported by palliative care nurses and hospice nurses for which we are extremely thankful for. Does anyone have any experience of this situation and can suggest somethings that can help to stimulate her mentally during the daytime as she is very sleepy but then v unsettled and disorientated at night. It's heartbreaking to watch her having to go through this, and understandably she is very melancholy and upset much of the awake time. Therefore can anyone share any suggestions of things they have found to support loved ones at this stage and also family members around me, particularly my Dad who is caring for mum 24/7. Thank you and sending love to anyone who is in a similar situation to my family x
Hey PipsR,
Sorry to hear about your mum.
I don't suppose there is a one-size-fits-all solution. I guess you know that, and you are just looking for any suggestions so that you can pick the ones that sound most useful. You know your mum best, though. What does she like to do?
My wife was happy playing card games until she lost the facility to do it. Then we mainly started watching home renovation shows on All 4 for a few hours a day, or back issues of Bake-off. Fi was never much of a one for watching telly till she was ill - but it eventually became all she could do. A friend bought her mum a subscription to Disney+ just to mix things up a bit. I know with my wife, she just wanted people to be with her - even if she often wasn't very talkative.
It sounds like she isn't well enough to go out. So can her friends come to visit her instead? We used to have people over every couple of days, just to mix things up. Fi didn't always have much to say. Sometimes she just slept - but some days she was alert and talkative and that was worth it. And people always understood if she wasn't up to the visit. They would clear off after about 20 minutes with a promise to come back in a week or so.
To be honest, the most important thing is to look after you and your dad and anyone else who is caring. Thing one... do you have the support you / your dad need to care for your mum... are you getting carers in? If not, ask the hospice to arrange a CHC assessment. Thing two... make sure you and he are getting some time out. Draw on friends and family who can regularly sit with your mum for a few hours so that your dad gets a break. And encourage him to get out for a walk or go out with some friends or something - not just get on with jobs that are backing up. It is a marathon and you all need to look after yourselves along the way. Sorry if I'm teaching granny to suck eggs here - but it's important! 
Probably you just need to be told to believe in yourself. You are asking all the right questions and you probably know the answers better than anyone. Keep going - you are doing an absolutely essential job.
Big hugs...
Pete
