Don't know what to say anymore

Hi 

I wonder if you could make her a little photo album with some brilliant memories then say you need to fill it with a few more photos.  Doesn't have to be anything major but a little teaparty - some funny glasses from the fancy dress shop.  Anything to grab those precious moments.  When I went through this with my parents I would sneak some music into the hospital for a discrete little disco - or read her a poem ?    Just some little ideas but my heart goes out to you as you are under so much strain too.  Big virtual hug ! 

Hi thank you for the beautiful suggestions but my mum is at home now and she's coming to the end of her life now but I'm doing everything in my power to keep her comfortable and help her in these final moments she's content now I know she is we are all here with her xxx 

I’m so pleased you are hearing how proud people are with you…..I know this is not what you would ever want credit for as it’s just an awful situation but your determination to make your mum comfortable and settled with however long she has left is something that is helping me build my strength up so for that I’m really grateful 

hope tomorrow is a good day for you all xx 

Thank you. You to and safe journey home. You will be surprised where your strength will come.from I can't tell u where coz I don't have a clue but it will come and u will shock your self but don't think about that yet your not there yet xxx 

Got home later than planned as we got diverted to a different airport my mum got quite stressed so we all remained calm 

she fell asleep 5 minutes after we got back bless her

i had proper cry when the plane took off grateful for the time we had whilst we were there and hating the idea of reality snacking us in the face - nothing still feels real if I’m honest 

like I’m living up in the air looking down - how has your day been? xx 

Hi ah bless you I know how you feel I felt for a long time I was dreaming waiting to wake up then I feel like I'm living someone else's life I'm never quite here and present. The thought of coming back to reality must be absolutely awful I can see why you would be dreading it I would be to I spent many days wishing I could just run away. And It doesn't feel like it now but they will become memories you will look back on with massive sadness but also greatfull you had that time. What is your next hurdle to cross with your mum now you are home. I wish I could say my day was better but unfortunately it wasn't I did spend time with my daughter which was nice because iv hardly seen her this week and Iv been sleeping on my mum's sofa so I have missed her. 

Morning, it’s been a tricky couple of days since our return it’s like my mum has given up….she struggles with everything she’s got swollen legs and feet and can’t hear out if one ear (this was before the flight) I’m trying gentle tough love but it’s so hard seeing her this weak

how is everything with you? You sound like a fantastic mum and daughter so I hope that strength is helping you x

Hi your mum is probably very weak a journey like that probably took more than we know out of her and it's back to reality so I think she needs a few days to rest recover and gather her thoughts and strength he swelling is most like to do with the flight I'm wondering if she needs compression socks I'm not expert tho. I have given my mum tough love a few times because she needed it right now she just needs to rest I don't think I ever really know just how tired she actually was. We had a hospital bed delivered yesterday for mum so it be easier for me to use and for her. My mum was going down hill but the last two weeks it's been drastically down hill her swallow is starting to go now so she can just about manage water it sounds bad but I'm praying every day for it to be over I hope it's over soon I don't want her to go of course now but seeing her like this is no life it's cruel we keep people alive like this we wouldn't keep a dog alive like this. I just want her at the peace she deserves now sorry so much room and gloom here because we are totally different stages in our journey I'm so sorry if I scare you I don't mean to I'm just being honest than sugar coating it for people 

Today has not been a good day infact if I’m honest it’s not been great for days all my mum wants to do is sleep I’ve organised a referral to OT for some mobility aids in the home I’ve got someone calling me tomorrow about a home visit for counselling for my mum but I honestly left there tonight thinking the end is nearer than I thought I didn’t want to leave but my step dad said he’d be fine and I’m going back in the morning as the schools closed for the strike thank god it I’m just crying as I think what if I should have stayed tonight can someone go that quickly?? Is this just a bad day like the worst it’s been and she’ll be more alert tomorrow 

how are things in your world? xx

Hi sorry for my late reply. I have had many many nights thinking it's the last and as yet it isn't my mum has a hospital bed she can't get up can't stand and sleeps all day she's weak from even having a visitor but she's still here so the end I feel like is a long journey but u will have many nights thinking it's the end. Although everyone's experience is different I can just give advice on where we are.i hope it sheds some light for u. We started a few weeks ago with aids to help her get around and what not then it quickly went to needing a hospital bed to then being fitted with a driver that gives her medication all through the day through a needle in her belly to now she can hardly sit up let alone walk and needs all personal care now. It's very difficult I have extremely hard days where I cry and every day I think I can't do this any more but then I have days like today where it's just hard not extremely but just hard so I try to stay positive as I can on these days because every day is different and yes everyday is difficult. I hope today is a better day for u all xxx