No support

Hi, I'm am not a primary carer, but my mum is going through cancer diagnosis and I an trying so hard to get my dad to talk to somebody, as he isn't coping very well and is overwhelmed by our lives being turned upside down.

All I would recommend is to call Macmillan, and just tell them everything you have have just written above. Maybe they can help. Maybe they could signpost you to some help for you. Maybe they can just listen. Externalising your feelings and emotions will help.

Thanks for your reply 

My heart goes out to you Nett. I was in a similar place when my husband was diagnosed in March 2021 - its now Feb 2023 and he's still here. I would keep it all in when with him, then go out for a run and cry my way around. I was worried I'd end up losing my job, my concentration was so poor. It is 'anticipatory grief' - grieving for things we know we will lose. I was a mess for the first 3 months, then it became waves, some weeks and not others. The GP was always happy to have me call for support - that's somewhere you might try, if only to sit face-to-face with someone and tell your story.

I thank you for your reply. You're the only one. I don't know how I will survive this. I lost mum 3 years ago when she was terminal with her lungs for 7month.it was my husband who was only support for me.I went the 12 miles on bus most days to her.I am so alone, I miss mum and have absolutely nobody to talk to. I called my drs and they were hopeless,,can't get appointment for weeks  even when I said I was taking my husbands terminal cancer result badly. I am in limbo today, told myself I just need to survive for today 

Your "just get through today" attitude is what is needed, although I have to confess I'm not very good at it.

If your GP is unresponsive, then do try calling Macmillan or just ask your husband's oncologist or cancer nurse for a local contact for carers.

Do you get out of the house at all at the moment? I go to a weekly choir session if at all possible (even if I don't feel like it) because I know I'll have my mind fully occupied with something else for 90mins, and generally come out in a better state than I went in. I also like to take a cup of tea out to the garden for 10mins now and then, or go for a 15 min walk around the block now and then, for a mental reset. Whatever will help just now. And hold on to the possibility that your husband's progress with cancer will almost certainly not fit the average that your Dr described - an expectation based on the average is just that, 50% of people have to do better than the average.

I have a little dog ,,finding it tough to even walk him but do one for him. I thought I would force myself to join the gym next town away, but its not happening yet. Its only Monday got the time limit,just hit me like our retirement is taken,,40 years together and I am thinking I'm going to be alone, never expected it.and just so devastated for my husband. Thanks for your reply 

The dog is a good reason to get outside. Starting something new may be too much just now - there will be a time for that later. But if you go out with the dog try to focus on just the dog and your surroundings while you are out - give your brain a break from thinking about the next few years, and have a few minutes just focusing on now.

My husband and I have been together 35 years, 25 married next month - we met at just 17! I can't imagine adult life without him. This is not how I expected things to go, but worrying won't change anything. Just see what today can offer and get to the next appointment/treatment.

I hear you. I will try.I m just so devastated.....thanks 

You need to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the future you thought you had, that goes beyond your husband as a person.