Intimacy Issues (loss of sex drive)

Hi Mike,

I found this article from colleagues in Australia that notes some of the things that can affect us as carers. It might help to look at this with your partner as it may help reassure them that things may be more complex than it might seem. 

When I was reading through it I did really relate to the bit about the importance of talking but perhaps the most important part I have found in talking is the other side - listening.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Mike

I can certainly relate to this and think it’s very unlikely we are alone in a club of two!

As the proud owner of both a senior rail card and older persons bus pass some would think I’m passed this, however that’s not the case, and hopefully I can offer a few thoughts.

Don’t give yourself a hard time. The fact that you are concerned about your partners feelings shows consideration that bodes well for the return of a caring sexual relationship  As Steve suggests- talk about your feelings and listen to her concerns.

Intimacy doesn’t have to culminate in full blown intercourse, so take the pressure off yourself by starting with something that you can both enjoy without ‘seeing it through to the end’. Slathering on aveeno to your partners skin to combat the ravages of chemo, is not quite like a gentle back massage or stroking legs. Maybe choose some aromatherapy oil with your partner that you will both like ( and is ok on her skin), and enjoy some skin to skin time.

Does your partner use bio oil to soften her scars? If so maybe you could offer to gently massage some in, showing her that you are not put off by them but that you can ‘cherish’them as apart of her.

You’ll get there, though it may take a little while. Go on together as you have in other aspects of your journey, you may be surprised - when you get there it is likely to be different from before but maybe it might be even better.

it’s helped me to write this down, so I hope it’s of some use to you. 
Good luck and hugs to you both

Sixpence

Thank you Steve

Thank you