Entirely lost, resentful and guilty for it

Hi Indigoviolet 

We are experts in both hearing and venting on here so please do not feel any need to apologise.

It is not at all unusual to hear from our loved ones the "leave me and live your life" bit - it's hard to hear and something many of us feel with you on that. I know my wife has told me I have to look after myself and actually there is an element I had to find in that being true so that when I am really needed I am ready.

The living with less stress course I did really helped me.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Wow I'm sure that you need to vent after that... my partner is not now interested in any physical or emotional intimacy since his diagnosis and I am struggling with that, but it has been less than a year.  I can't imagine living like that for 7 years so you go ahead and rant!  This is not what either of us imagined when we set out together and we have to make the best of it for our own sake as well as our partners' sakes, but that does not mean that we don't get frustrated and resentful.  Then of course I feel guilty for feeling like that. 

I can only wish you the very best for yourself, and I have found solace reading others stories on here. 

take care xxx

I'm 47 so not as young as you , me and my partner been together tears , he now has stage 4 with mets , even before this his mobility was not good but still managed to gp out on the odd occasion , I'm used to living like a single person,  I do get jealous of seeing couples together and feel angry why this has happened to us , it's hard feel like my life is wasting away 47 and live like I'm in myn80s  , get people saying live life , well would if we could , I feel for you 

I'm in a similar situation. My whole life is on hold . I do feel resentful. Not his fault but......ugh!

It's not the same, but here's a big virtual hug... My husband is similar - and I desperately miss that closeness/connection which has been dwindling away the more ill he's become. Like you, I have my own social life and hobbies, but would love to have some kind of shared fun - we're feeling very separate and that makes me sad. I kind of feel that the more ill he's become, I'm more "carer" than anything else now - and I know he's grateful for that, but it is really hard. I really want him to get better, but part of me is scared that our old relationship has gone for good. You can feel quite alone with some of this stuff can't you? - I don't look at these forums much, but when I do I usually find others out there who understand, and while that doesn't make it better, it does help a bit. xx

Im 26 and my boyfriend has just been diagnosed with incurable stage 4 bowel cancer, we’ve been together for 5 years and before this he struggled with mental health and refused to leave the house I’d never been on a date with him I worked he didn’t, we went on holiday and he promised after this trip he would change and I thought this is my time I get the man I dreamt of, my life can start and then cancer. My life has gone back to stand still and I don’t know if I can do it again I was ready for so much more and now he can’t and I’m angry I know it’s not his fault but I waited, I gave up 5 years of my life before now I’m expected to give up even more and if I don’t I’m the horrible person who left someone who’s dying but I honestly can’t sit in limbo. He’s trying more now then he ever did in the 5 years but it feels to late now and I can’t help think he’s doing it because he’s scared I’ll go and in all honesty I don’t know if I do I can’t do this. 
so I know how you feel and I’m glad someone else feels the similar in a way maybe not exactly the same but it’s hard when you crave something from someone and it’s never going to happen so you just sit and wait or do it yourself but then you distance yourself from them because why are you with them if you get nothing in return? I hope things change and you get what you want from him. You deserve the world 

I also know how you feel,  I've been there & i miss my husband so much. Holding hands in bed was the only connection we had until he ended up in the spare bedroom in a hospital bed. It was always me that asked for a goodnight kiss, I sooo much need a hug. The last 2 years have been the worse for me when he got worse, I can't remember the last time we made love must be over 4 years ago, I become more of a carer than a wife. 

My situation is similar too, my partner and i use to lye in bed together even it was just holding hands but  little by little i feel every thing is being taken away from us, my partner now needs to sleep in a hospital bed at home. xx

Thanks for your kind words everyone (I’ve been locked out of this account for aaages!!) still no change.. still fighting/living/existing/making of it what we can. Thank you