Life suck

Hey Miracle2023,

I don't know what to say.  You must both be in pieces.  I recognise the feelings you are struggling with - it is devastating knowing that you are soon going to lose someone you love - but we had a much longer run-up that you have had - you have had an awful lot to process in a very short time.

Your boyfriend should be getting a referral to your local hospice / palliative care team. I would encourage you both to engage with them as soon as possible.  They are there for you as much as they are for your partner.  Everyone knows that your partner's best quality of life is going to be with you supporting him as best you can and you are going to need some support to do that.  It's a really difficult step, engaging with hospice / palliative care - but our experience of hospice care was incredible.  They were so supportive and understanding and provided us with all the information and help they could.  They also arrange counselling for me in the run up to and immediately following my wife's death - which I found very helpful.

You are standing now looking up at a mountain - with no idea how you are going to climb it.  But there are lots of professionals around who know lots of stuff and lots of help will be there when you need it - every step of the way.  You will also find that family and friends are a really precious resource.  Try to find some close friends and family who you can be honest with about the things you are struggling with.  And if anyone offers to help... just say "yes".

You can't swallow the whole thing today.  You just have to get through a day at a time for now.  You will get through it.

Big hugs...

Pete

Pete thank you so much for your reply. 

I'm really sorry to hear about your wife xxx 

How are u coping ? Must be really hard?

Hey Miracle2023,

I hope your day has been OK.  (Which feels like a really dumb thing to say - but you know what I mean... )

Thank you for asking.  I'm doing mostly alright.  We had a long run up... Fi was quite ill for much of last year - so we were better prepared than most for her dying.  It's still not easy... I have really only done the minimum in regard to sorting the house out and getting my life together, and I'm still pretty tired and it's pretty easy to get stressed about things.  But that is all OK - it has still been less than 2 months - we're still finding our new normal.

I know one thing that worried me when Fi was ill was how I would cope after she was gone.  One big thing is knowing that I did my very best to look after her while she was still alive - that gave me a lot of comfort.  We don't choose the cards we are dealt - but we decide how to play them.  So, as I said yesterday, try to focus on what you are doing today - and that will help you to cope when you come out the other side.

Again... I really feel for you in your current situation.  I hope you can get some time and space to process.

Big Hugs...

Pete