Incurable lung cancer

Hi faithful 

Sorry to read this, it is not like our loved ones having cancer is not hard enough already, so gald you came here though and thanks for posting.

One thing I know I had to find out the hard way was around getting help myself if I wanted to be the best use to my wife. One thing we managed to work out is that often she wanted to talk but was worried that I might feel it was something I had to fix - a not atypical sort of difference between men and women of course. 

Constructive challenge of others though can be so difficult but it is important to find a solution that works if things are to go forward effectively. I wonder if it might help to talk to someone neutral, like perhaps on the helpline here about what you want and need and how you might move forward

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi and thankyou  for replying  he is real down and breathing is not good and people close to him have all let him down i seem to be the only one he can trust and care for him best i can but am realy struggling .Macmillan are brilliant we are both having councilling but he is going from a strong positive  man to.a very frightened  one and the sad fact is his adult children are doing this to him my heart is breaking for him thanks for listening xx

Hey Holmes...

That sounds horrible.  I hope you are doing OK today.  Being a carer is tough - as Steve says - you need to look after yourself as well as him.

Do you have any idea of the support that your partner might need?  Or you need?

Pete

Hi Pete or Stan we have support with a palliative  nurse and this website but I guess when the people you have loved and looked after turn away and stab you in the back ,well no words tbh my heart breaks for him .

Hey Holmes...

OK.  Obviously I don't know the situation.  We've had similar in the past.  I think there are a lot of broken people out there who just aren't capable of looking after others when they need it.  And when you are up to your neck just surviving the palliative care process it's really difficult to deal with that.

When my wife was very ill, I realised that there were a few people I just couldn't spend time with because they were an absolute drain on me/us and my tank was already empty.  So if they messaged, I just provided short polite responses and always just said that we were completely busy at the moment and not able to talk / message / meet / whatever.  Time will tell which of those relationships start back up, and whether they go back to how they were.  It didn't matter then - I was too busy looking after my wife - and it doesn't matter now - I'm too busy trying to find out what the new normal is, now she is gone.

I hope you have other friends and family around who you can lean on.  My experience is that most people wanted to help.

Pete