Anxious

Hi Lululux  and welcome to our community.

I love my local Maggies - my wife has Leiomyosarcoma so totally different type of cancer and to me it seemed she coped much better than me.

I certainty recognize a lot of what you describe. I did a living with less stress course with Maggies and it really helped me to appreciate what we have rather than that horrid future in my imagination. 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Lululux, 

i understand everything you have said.

i am a PLANNER so the thought of not knowing what is going to happen in the future with my husband is very scary, he has Pancreatic Cancer and tends to take people with that diagnoses very quickly. 
I’m 43 with three children and have been married for nearly 25 years and he is my world so the thought of not having him scares the hell out of me. My tummy is also a mess and I’ve just been signed off full time work for 2 weeks as I can’t sleep and just keep getting headaches… I feel guilty for going to work as I don’t know how much time I have left with him, sometimes it even makes me angry going to work because I feel like I should but have to choose. 

it made me feel guilty having a couple of melt downs but I felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders when I did l, my husband was so good with me and just told me to let it out. How brave is that. 
I went to maggies and it was amazing…. I spent a a hour talking to a counsellor , she was amazing. 
Have you got any friends or other family members that could support you?

to 

Hello Chrisid, thanks for replying. I find as soon as I wake up it washes over me and no matter the time I have to get up or I will lie in bed getting myself in a terrible state.  I haven’t felt too bad these last couple of days, keeping busy visiting a friend for coffee, we see each other every week, she lost her daughter to cancer so she understands, at least I can talk to her any time. We have a daughter as well but she fell out with us over 14 years ago, we have seen her once in this time at my fathers funeral, she hasn’t wanted to see her father all this time and doesn’t seem inclined to see him now even though he has cancer and may not have a lot of time left. I am in touch with her via text or WhatsApp, she doesn’t say much just ‘how awful’. She has two children who we have never seen, it would be nice if my husband could see his grandchildren before it’s too late, but I won’t hold my breath. At least our son has two boys, 6 and 10 who we see every week. Im trying to find pleasure in small things, watching the birds in the garden and enjoying the sunny days anything that will take my mind off this horrible situation.

Sounds like your husband is like mine, always thinking how we are coping when I feel it should be the other way round. I say to him how is he doing and he says he tries not to think about it or he would go crazy. 
Will try to go to Maggies while my husband has his first treatment next week.