No longer coping with the ups and downs.

Oh Mrs JP, I just want to reach out and give you a hug.

It's ok to have tough days like this has obviously been. A carer's journey is unrelenting. It's a rollercoaster ride of emotions and it takes it toll.

i get it. I've been supporting my husband with his stage 4 brain tumour journey for 28 months plus.

I have zero knowledge of liver cancer but don't lose hope here. it's a wee set back. Time to regroup, listen to what the Drs say and move forward from there. Baby steps if you need to but one step at a time. 

This community is a safe and supportive space so please reach out anytime. There's always someone around here to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and to offer a virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone.

It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

There's also a section on the main website Supporting someone | Macmillan Cancer Support that might offer you some further guidance.

Please  take care of yourself here. Taking "me time" is essential for us carer's even if it is just 10 or 15 minutes with a coffee and a book. It's not selfish. You need time to recharge your batteries to put you in the strongest position to be able to support your husband. 

For now though I'm sending you a huge hug. Stay strong. You are coping here so much better than you give yourself credit for. You'll just need to trust me on that.

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

Hi Wee Me

Thank you so much - your virtual hug and words of wisdom were exactly what I needed. Getting a call from the doctors late evening meant I couldn’t really process things before a sleepless night when the worries are always 100% greater. In the cold light of day your advice was so right - it’s just a set back and we go on one step at a time.

I now send you a hug back to help you through your day - thank you x

so helpfiul to read your confession of 'bullying wife' .This is exactly how I feel sometimes, alongside constant nagging(hubby having chemo after life changing bowel cancer op) "drink your water , try & do some exercise, eat something with your tablets , have a shower , clean your teeth ":etc ,all the while trying to control emotions that have crept in like anger , resentment ,overwhelming tiredness,self pity, what about me feelings, I had a stroke 3 years ago & the stress of the responsibility of everything now being on me is wearing ,I feel like I have a childlike petulant bad tempered invalid rather than a partner now a lot of the time but also can see how brave he's been & how scary & painful it's all been for him . I was where you are at 2,0am last night it feels very lonely, but it does feel better this morning. Just take one step at a time ,I survive by thinking about the future as little as possible at the moment ,but with a vague image in my mind that there will be things to look forward to. Covid & isolation due to compromised immunity has made everything so much harder.I expect you're like me & just smile & say I''m fine when people ask ,so this is a really good place to anonymously be honest & get some support, sending you a virtual hug too .:-)

Hi WelshJenny

It is such a relief to feel normal in this community. You’re so right about the I’m fine reply and the feelings of guilt about feelings. And it’s so much harder when we’re not feeling 100% but feel we must carry on regardless.

Sending you a virtual hug too and it’s good to know we’re all taking those small steps together x

Thanks Mrs JP ,

yours was the only post I read last night because I instantly felt better just knowing I wasn't the only one feeling the way I do :-) x

I’m in your situation, and I so understood what you said. I’bully’ and coerce and manipulate positivity to my partner with the very best of intentions. Even to the point I was accused with not caring, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

I feel self indulgent writing this, but her cancer has attacked me to the core. No one will understand except other partners with cancer the very well hidden, 24 hour knotted stomach and sleepless nights. To our partners and the outside world we are rocks of support. 

The truth, hidden from all, is I’m a very scared man child, but grateful to read your post. At least I don’t feel I’m the only one not knowing what to do next. I suppose we just keep going? 

One day at a time DesM58. You're not being self indulgent, it's so hard being that rock.I had exactly the same , a shouting arguement being called an uncaring b**ch etc, but the truth is it's incredibly hard to be caring every second of of every minute of every day , we're only human, sometimes I just want to shake him & say fight ,try harder etc ,anger & resentment creeps in, then guilt alongside the crippling worry & grief , it's overwhelming .I'd give that boy inside a big Mummy ,Granny hug if I could ,we're all just floundering around, scared stiff,  doing the best we can even if it's not always perfect,Just keep talking  & hugging & putting one foot in front of the other .x