Crumbling and exhausted

1 reply
43 subscribers
252 views

Hello everyone I am a sole carer for my husband with bladder cancer and other issues which is making him feel poorly and depressed. My fiercely independent 92 year old mum who lives 500miles away is becoming increasingly immobile angry and depressed and I am the only person she can 'vent'to on the phone often several times a day. I have two friends going through really difficult times who depend on me for support. I have just had cataract surgery and there are long term complications which makes driving difficult. I work as a proofreader and my eye issues makes this really hard, but we need the money. My old dog needs surgery. On top of this my husband's treatment has been messed up badly and I am putting together a massive legal claim for incompetence and malpractice. I am so tired from lack of sleep I am just reaching the end of my tether. I just need someone to occasionally say ' you know what missis, you are doing the best you can, and that is all you can do! Well done you!'

Sorry to dump here, but it was good to write it all out, I have Asbperger's and sometimes it's very difficult to communicate how I feel or to ask for help.

Pete or Stan over 1 year ago

Hey Su500...

Sorry to hear you are struggling so much. That sounds like a lot to deal with all at once. Well done for reaching out for help. I see you have had some practical feedback and support on one of the other forums.

Being a carer for a spouse is exhausting - let alone all the other people who you are giving out to.

You are welcome to dump here, but it sounds like you might need to make some changes before you break.

It may be that you need to prioritise where you are putting your energies - at least for the time being - and I recognise that that might be really hard. Perhaps you need to explain to your two friends how you are feeling (difficult if you aren't the best at communicating) and that you need them to support you at the moment. And even explain to your mum that you can only talk to her twice a day (or whatever you feel you can cope with). As well as, if you have other family members, explaining the them that they need to engage more with your mum.

The legal thing sounds like a headache. My limited experience with that sort of thing is that it is a time trap and is emotionally exhausting. Is there any way you can park it until you feel a bit stronger and better able to cope?

Things are clearly tough, and you are very obviously doing your very best. My hope for you is that you can find a way to do a bit less so that you can look after yourself and make things more sustainable.

Well done for reaching out for help.

Pete

More from this forum

Crumbling and exhausted