New Year On My Own

Hi Everyone!

I just do not know what I would have done without the MacMillan website in general in the last 6 months. This time last year my husband Jay was preparing to go in in January this year to get his bowel cancer tumour removed which had been dormant and localised for the previous 4 years before symptoms began to surface at the end of 2020 but then didn't know it was actual cancer and went through all the other diseases such as Crohns Disease Cealiac Disease and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. He got his official diagnosis in July 2021 which then led to a bowel resection operation with a permanent stoma which he has adapted to very well. He then went for chemoradiation to reduce the tumour in prep for surgery this January. The operation was very successful, and they got rid of all the cancer. Fast forward to May this year where he had a follow up with his surgeon and she took blood tests from him. A few weeks later we got a letter to say that his CEA (tumour markers) had risen suspecting cancer cells still present, and a further CT scan confirmed this. We were absolutely devastated. Surgery on this occasion was not an option so chemotherapy began again in August. He sailed through the first 3 cycles so well in fact they upped his dosage of CAPOX. Then midway through cycle 4 he became quite ill and so the CAPOX had to be stopped. They were worried about his kidney function and thought he may have needed a stent fitted but this didn't need to go ahead. He also had another CT scan which showed a spread to his pelvis. At his next oncology appointment, it showed that his kidney, liver function and blood levels were all back to normal, so they started him on a new chemo regime of Folfox/5FU (Irinotecan and Folfouri). Unfortunately, after his first infusion of his new chemo run on the 16th of December, he became ill again with flu symptoms. He was really shivering one minute and then sweating the next so had to phone one of the emergency numbers we have for the cancer nurse specialists, and they said because he is going through chemo, he had to be admitted to the cancer unit. They ran tests with him CTs X rays and blood tests which all came back normal, and they were happy that it was only a chest infection, and he was sent home the following day with antibiotics. Then this week the district nurse came out to check his picc line and change the dressing and to take blood to prepare for his next chemo session which should have been yesterday but did not go ahead because at his telephone consultation he was told his bloods were showing signs of dehydration so once again he has been admitted back into hospital for them to give him fluids. His kidneys were showing as being quite dry also which can be a danger but think they've turned that around again. His stoma was being a bit overactive as well which they were not too happy about either. He was producing about 5 bags per day which were quite `watery` where his usual is between 1-3 per day. He's ok and doing alright his appetite has picked up again too which wasn't great either over the last week. This is the first year in the 39 years we have been together (36 of them married) where we will not be together to bring in the New Year. I have my sister who is that bit older than me (in her 70's) she stays over with us at Christmas and New Year as she is on her own. She has mental health problems and mild learning difficulties and lives in sheltered acommodation and she's just `not getting this`. She lives in her own wee world and as long as she is getting things done for her she is ok. She can't work a cash machine or knows how to go into a bank to get money for herself and she struggles with all things in authority this is where she needs me. I get her shopping online for her too. People ask her about something, and she will say oh my sister does that for me.  I think she does get what is going on with Jay but just doesn't realise how bad it is. She had breast cancer 3 years ago, but they caught hers really early and it was a case of going in getting it cut out and then 15 rounds of radiotherapy it was gone but even then, I don't think she realised the seriousness of it and looked on it as a `wee trip to the hospital` as she loves things like that. I know it sounds awful to say but she is a bit of an `attention seeker` and a bit of a `fantasist` She can make up stories about people that aren't really happening, and I'm really surprised at she hasn't got herself into trouble already. Sorry for going on so much here but I'm just feeling really down this New Year's Eve and very alone.  

Vicky x