I’m struggling at the moment with anger… and just wanted to reach out somewhere safe to express myself and get advice.
My husband has to have a kidney removed any day now, just awaiting a surgery date. It’s been a horrific couple of months already filled with a&e visits, hospital and consultants and a 99% certainty he has kidney cancer but much uncertainty if spread to lungs and further.
Ive fibromyalgia so it’s been hard going on me and had a knock on physical effect. I’m exhausted and trying to rest before we get to surgery where I will have to look after the both of us for his recovery.
It didn’t help we both had gastric flu as well over christmas so everything has just been a bit rubbish. I’m trying to give space, try to help him talk about it if he wishes but also keep him doing things as he has been off work for over a month and sleeps most the time. I know having the cancer will likely affect him but I feel he has given up and won’t help when he can do something. I’ve gone from asking nicely, to doing it myself, to telling him off, to nagging. It’s not nice and not how I want to support him. But while he is meant to be active and doing what he can while he can (as per medic orders) he acts numb.
I asked he speak with GP as suffers depression and anxiety anyway, they have said to reach out to mental health organisation or on here. So i’m gently encouraging that.
In the meantime, i’m just so angry. Sometimes unreasonably so, because this is just how our lives have to be but sometimes i’m angry because i feel he is being selfish or oblivious. I’m so worried for him, as well as how to care for us and our animals and full time work. Please tell me i’m not alone and am i needing a reality check? How can i stop feeling so angry?
Hi Amypug and welcome to our community though sorry to hear about what your are going through.
If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer we see how common the emotions you talk of are - we deal with things that often floor people and then add in the fibromyalgia, the gastric flu and Christmas it is often a wonder we end up standing at all.
With my wife we have been on the cancer journey over 6 years now; at one point I broke and reached out for help. This led me to do a living with less stress course that helped me to focus on enjoying the here and now rather than that bleak future I imagined that I could not control and was often much worse than what actually happened. The conscious breathing exercises were great too when life threw a curve ball but also good for helping me relax.
<<hugs>>
Steve
