Scared

Hi GemSk  I'm just popping over from another group to respond to your post. Firstly, I just want to say how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this. It must be incredibly hard for you to keep going, being there for your husband and children whilst working too.  I see you say that part of you wants to go and talk to someone but you feel there is no time.   It's so important that you try to find some time to do this (I know this will be difficult as you have so much on your plate).  You could always call the Macmillan support helpline, not only do they provide emotional support but can also offer practical advice too, it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00  -please don't forget that you need support too.   x

Hi GemSk 

I think you started very well, so welcome to our community. As a teacher I am sure you recognize the importance of community and our club - that we wish nobody every needed - is I think one of the best.

If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer we can see how common the feelings you talk about are. We have a son who is 18 now but when my wife was first ill was quite a bit younger. I found it difficult to find references that helped since my wife's cancer is incurable - having said that chemotherapy has rendered her cancer stable and been like that for over 6 years now. We do have some information about Talking to children and teenagers that might be helpful.

<<hugs>>

Steve

This is exactly how i feel. I have a 15 month old & work full time. 

I am also lonely & exhausted. I know its not much help but i know exactly what you are going through xx

Hi

Your story resonated with me. My husband was diagnosed at the end of October with stage 4 bowel cancer. He is 51. We have 3 children although they are older than yours. One has moved away for her career, the other two are home but one has a number of disabilities and so needs lots of support. 
I am working full time as a teacher and half way through my Senco training qualification although I have extended that due to what we are going through.

My husband had an ileostomy two weeks ago and is very weak and barely eating still. He was very I’ll before the operation and has lost 4 stone in 8 weeks. No symptoms at all before that! 

it is all happening so fast but somehow slow too! We have to wait about 3 weeks to start chemo due to how weak he is and then they will reassess. He’s also got more scans and biopsies on the area in his chest and head where there are signs but may be secondary rather than bowel cancer spread. 

I’m worried about letting him down, leaving him whilst I work, letting people at work firm ( they are all very supportive) and how we will manage financially when Mark’s wages half in a few weeks. I’m trying to be positive with everyone but just want to scream about how unfair it is. 

I am supported but feel utterly alone.

We at least have this forum to release some frustrations - hope things improve for you. Not much help I know but wanted you to know you aren’t the only one feeling this 

Thank you for reaching out. I am so sorry that you are in a similar position. Life seems quite unfair for so many people at the moment. I hope your husband starts to feel stronger soon. My husband took a few weeks to feel stronger after the ileostomy. It was an emotional rollercoaster all round. I’d love to hear how you are getting on. Sending much love and strength xxxx

Thank you for your message.

We are definitely not alone in this nightmare. It makes me so sad that there are so many cases. I don’t know how you work full time - that is incredible.

Please  reach out if you need to chat or vent or both.    X

Thank you. I don’t know how I do it some days. I’ve very nearly handed my notice in a few times but I’ve worked so hard to get where I am now and the company I work for are great so I keep talking myself out of it x

Hi

everything is in limbo at the moment- waiting for his strength to improve e to have next treatments and 6 weeks to pass since his operation to have the scans.

To top it all, I now have a chest infection so feel rubbish myself! 

just can’t get a break at the moment! 
xx

Firstly I’m so sorry to see what you’re going through and how you’re feeling.

I’m in a similar situation, husband 45 diagnosed with incurable bowel cancer with a 5 and 2 year old. He’s been through major surgery twice to try and rid him of it which has left him with two bags and a disability.

I feel I’m coping quite well, but suddenly something changes…tonight a new pain which is making him cry out every time he moves and I feel I’m falling over a cliff.

I know it would help to talk to someone but with two small children, working full time and taking on so much of what my husband used to do it just feels like another added pressure to find that time. Hence logging on to this forum at stupid o’clock in the morning.

Im also struggling with grief tourists…the “friends” who you haven’t seen for years rocking up and telling you they know how you feel because they know someone with cancer. Aaaarrrgggg!!! 

little wins for me have been to take the pressure off big occasions being the special time and seeing the normal, mundane things being what makes them feel loved and secure.

snippets of self love…I can’t find the time to go to the hairdresser, my roots are awful! But have had my nails done for the first time.

Internet grocery shop, I used actually like the escape, but now practically it helps to get it delivered!

cautious optimism, for every 10 stories that end in tragedy there’s 1 glimmering hope. Check out Strive for 5 on twitter /bowel cancer uk.

Finally, writing it down…I may have rambled on, but hope it helps you in some way as this has actually helped me x