AGGRESSION

Hi MRH

sorry to hear about all that you're going through. I can relate to an extent here. My husband was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour in Sept 2020. Two days before his surgery he had a seizure and to be honest he's never been the same person. His tumour was/is sited in the area of the brain that controls speech/language and understanding so the combination of everything could be the cause of his spiteful tongue.

Over the past two years he's said some pretty hateful things and yes, those words sting...who am I kidding? They hurt like hell. But something I've come to realise is that his illness has left me living with a broken version of the person he was.

Now whenever he's nasty, I try to take a deep breath, not react and accept that its the "broken" him talking not the real him. 

One thing you don't mention is what medication your husband is on. I noted when my husband was taking steroids that the spiteful behaviour was worse so it may be worth mentioning this when you talk to the oncologist.

Please also remember that you are not alone. This online community is here for you. Its a safe supportive space and as you've already seen there is always someone around to listen who gets it. There's also the helpline too (the number is below) They can offer support on a wide variety of aspects of this journey so please don't rule out giving them a call.

For now, I'm sending you a huge virtual hug. Hang in there. Let those words/moods wash over you and hold onto memories of kind words and happier times.

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

Thank you for that. We haven’t been able to talk to an oncologist as yet. We feel he’s been pushed out of hospital with no support from that side of things. 
I didn’t need the District Nurse team then as I have spent many years in care myself. The palliative team for the same reason.

I'm due to have spinal surgery this time next month with a night in hospital- I just don’t know where to turn for help as I’ve been waiting 4 years for this surgery. I don’t want to put it off as I don’t know when I’m going to get another chance.

The pharmacy where I went Xmas Eve said they didn’t have the Biotan dressings that I was prescribed to cover his drain site so they would get them in for today. I drove all the way down there for them to say they’ve never had a script!

I do simplify with you all. My husband is feeling down at the moment, with all the new problems that keep cropping up. He does not feel like eating because of his cancer tablets have changed his taste buds. I don know what to cook any more, he shouts at me because I want him to eat, he shouts at me when he's in pain. 

I feel at a loose end and can't stop crying at times. I do all the things that we all don't think we would ever do when you get married.

I get angry, frustrated with him & life its self. At times its hard not to, I'm so tired. 

Like you I wonder if thats why they get angry they are pushing us away.

But They may be scared, frightened with whats happening to them. They are no longer in control of their lives.

It’s really not easy is it?