Afraid to love

I have to closed off , I'm actually scared to get close , I know it sounds daft and selfish but the way I'm looking at it if I stay distant the less hurtbill be , I know how you feel , looking at others on this forum makes you realise all these feelings are normal , it's scary the unknown,  take care xxxx

He's probably feeling a bit the same. My wife is currently living with (ie dying from) stage 3C lung cancer and I know her biggest worry is how much her death will hurt me. But I'm so glad we get to say how much we love each other. We might not give the full detail of our worries and pain, but enough to be honest. And we have cried together and apart, but have spent a lot more time pissing ourselves laughing with each other. I know it's been hard with him so angry, but you  do love him and both need to enjoy the time you have and speak it. 

I’m so new to this, literally a few days. I’m overwhelmed with love for my husband but at the same time so very angry. He’s so strong and becoming increasingly worried about me as I have my own health issues. Eating has become an issue as it always does when I’m anxious and stressed. I never realised how guilty you can feel as a carer, not only for my husband but our adult singleton child. I keep apologising to everyone for being upset and bringing this awful diagnosis of my husband’s to them.  
I was wondering how do you get through this emotional rollercoaster. I saw my mother care for my father through NHL and I now realise how strong they both were.