Kidney Cancer with mets, out of the blue...

Hi,

My husband was also stage 4 when we had our bolt. He's on his third line treatment now. You seem to feel like I do, jumping around emotions. Thing is, there is no answer I've found. He tells me to go do stuff but I feel guilty when I do, just like you. When found, his cancer was spread so far and so big that he is palliative care only, he's managed 4 years.

Is your husband's treatment palliative or curative? I found reading about 'anticipatory grief' has helped.

Wishing you good outcomes,

Sue x

Hi Sue

Thank you so much for your response. It is good to hear that your husband is 4 years down the road. Like you we have been told that it is not curative but of course the how long is all down to treatment being tolerated etc.

How has your husband found the immunotherapy?

You are absolutely right emotions are all over the place, thank you for your suggestion re anticipatory grief , I will look into that.

Wishing you good days.

Nickix

Hi Nicki,

He didn't manage long on immunotherapy, scan showed it wasn't working. He managed 3 years on sunitinib (sutent), then tried nivolumab  now he is on cabozantinib. The mets are in his spine and causing lots of problems but with a range of pain meds he is coping and so am I. Not good days and bad days, now good hours and bad hours.

Sue x

Thank you and for taking the time to respond.

It's so tough on everyone involved and it seems all we can do is put that one step in front of the other .

Sending you a hug. 

Nickix

Hi,

My husband was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer following a routine blood test. Chemo didn't work and he has been waiting for over three months to start a trial. This has completely devastated our lives, we are both in our 50's and like you were looking forward to the next chapter in our lives. Recently he has been unwell and sleeps a lot. My emotions are all over the place. I feel desperately sad and miss my old life and guilty at the same time. I long for some time to myself but feel guilty when I have it. I just try to take each days as it comes.

It helps to know I am not alone.

We had the devastating news last week that my husband has stage 4 lung cancer and only chemo offered with not good outcomes so has decided on palliative care . I’m struggling, feeling guilty and crying most days because of the life we have lost and also our future retirement. I’m carrying on at work mainly because of the distraction and thankfully I have a very supportive manager. I’m angry, resentful, sad and so many other negative emotions - I’m still thinking it’s all a nightmare then I hear the racking cough and breathlessness which reminds me this is not a dream . My heart goes out to all who are suffering xx

We had just moved to the Lakes to retire early and build a new life. We were only there a month when we found out. Our new start was so close and never happened.

We have found different adventures, alternate aims. He lives with cancer, he refuses to die from it.  

It's easy to give in to depression and despair, you just need to remember to keep living as best you can. Do what you CAN do, don't dwell on what you can't. 

Hi, taking one day at a time is all you can do , things can change at the drop of a hat and I am learning to just go with that. The emotions are all over the place and the new normal is not one I ever imagined but I try and take the small wins when I can. 

You are definitely not alone and it does help to talk about it.

Nicki