Hello everyone
I am new here today and have just been reading alot of the blogs and it puts things into perspective a tad.
In April my wife was diagnosed with Hodgkinsons high grade lymphoma. It was a shock to say the least. She is over half way with the chemo and the good news is it has shrunk by 50%. This is all good. She has been and is proactive in her own healing work to help. Homeopathy, acupuncture, colonics, massage, supplements. Hands on healing wich I have been doing until last night.
We have been married for over twenty five years and I presume like most couples occassionally have disagreements / arguments. From my side I had done 15 years counselling for abuse that happened to me when I was six. If anybody has done such work anger does surface and it does spill out from time to time. I did express anger and she felt it was at her mostly it wasn't but she felt it. (see narcassistic mother further down )
So last night I had picked up my daughter and boyfriend from two towns away and it was mostly duel carriage way and the conditions were horrendous to say the least. When I got in what I should of done was dissapear somewhere and decompress. I actually didn't know how stressed I was. My wife immediatly asked me if the chilli was cooked as she has lost her sense of taste. I tasted it and then was asked can you taste and see if the rice is cooked. I said surely if you just put it in your mouth and chew you will know. I was feeling a little grumpy at this because in my mind thats how you do it. I did it anyway and I knew I felt anoyed she asked. It was fine and I left the kitchen. (Later she messaged me and said that also she couldn't work out textures. I didn't know that) Then she just erupted calling me all the names under the sun. I didn't react. maybe at that point I should have appologised. She stormed off upstairs and we tried to sort it out via whatsapp all evening. Saying sorry didn't cut it in her eyes its all too late.
So a little history here is she had a terrible upbringing, Narcasistic mother. One of five sisters, not feeling cared for. In the past two weeks has made contact with her inner child who has communicated her disstress to her going back along way.
But whats now been said id I am the cause of her cancer ! She also has sleep problems which doesn't help and that is now blamed on me because she says she has been living in a stressful enviroment. At this I dissagree as mostly its a lovely home and we do get on and do great projects together. She is my best friend. She doesn't at the moment want to talk with me so its just polite stuff and I can get with that. But to have those acusations being laid at my feet is just horrible.
Incidentally as a carer I am doing most of the cooking, cleaning, shopping , paying all the bills. Thats fine I don't want any applause because it goes without saying that you do whatever you can to help. I feel she is overwhelmed and the slightest thing triggers her and I feel as the nearest and dearest I am copping it.
So its quite stressful to say the least but not as stressful as what she is going through. Ho hum
Does any of this sound familiar ?
Hi Bobberbiker welcome to the forum and I am sorry to hear about how things are for you and your wife. First things first I think that you both have your own issues, as you say above and which you both appear to be dealing with. It does sound like it may be connected to the diagnosis and you will both be stressed maybe without even recognising that and sometimes when we are feeling like that things get taken out of context and things get said that aren't meant but leave lasting imprints on us. Think about it logically, you are not responsible for your wife's Cancer, how can you possibly be?
Hopefully things are settling down a bit and you are managing to co exist, albeit in a difficult environment, but hopefully this will pass and you and your wife maybe just need to hang in there. It can feel like a rollercoaster ride that never ends for some and it sounds like this could e whats happening for you both, and you will not be alone in that.
gail
