Caring for mum in the final days

Hi, you are all in a difficult place at the moment, and must be very weary.

Sorry pushed the wrong button.

No doubt you have had many long discussions about this moment in time when the end is near. The fact that you are all together to share your love with your Mum is wonderful. Be strong together and all will be well .Knowing that Death just as life is as natural as the seasons, has always helped me to understand. Just as a beautiful flower bought so much joy...... it still leaves us eventually.You are all doing the most you can do and God who ever you perceive him, will certainly do the rest. 

Hello, I’m in the same situation, but without the young kids, so having an easier time.  Ive managed to get some time away which has been invaluable in reducing stress levels and help with coping. Even getting out for a short walk most days helps me. It is heartbreaking to see the slow decline and trying to keep mum comfortable as she becomes more restless with bouts of agitation too. Drugs dont seem to have the desired calming effect nor can  she speak clearly, so we’re not sure what she wants/needs.  The family are just talking to her when she’s agitated / restless, holding her hand which she seems to like. But it cant be denied - it’s tough on patient and family. We remind ourselves, she’s at home where she wanted to be, hopefully not in pain and with her family.   I cant yet imagine what life without her will be like.

I hope you manage to get back to your family soon and enjoy time with your little ones. I’m sure you and your dad will be able to support each other over the death of someone dear to you both. I tell myself we can only do what we can do, it’s OK to be upset and let others see it and to ask for help. Best of luck through the difficult days. 

Thank you DiMac. Mum is sedated so isn’t that agitated now and is peaceful. Every time the district nurse comes, she is surprised mum is still clinging on. Getting outside is so important. Luckily mum and dad live in the countryside so there are nice walks right here. Have you had hospice support? When we have it it is great but it’s really patchy. Through this process, I have learnt that palliative care in rural areas is very patchy. 

keep strong. 

The sedation isn’t working for mum(yet). No hospice support, Mcmillan during the day but weekend and overnight support patchy and we’re in a city! So palliative support most likely patchy where ever you’re located.  It is hard to know what to do for the best at times. Good luck.

i m in the same point as you although my children are up now, i dont think anyone can advise on how you do it, i feel life is so cruel i m exhausted cant sleep but terrified to leave her. i m sure they know we are there and what else can we do, i hope we find strength xxxx