All new to this struggling

Hi Batty and a warm welcome to our community, though always a bit sorry to see a new member in our club.

First and foremost you are not "whining" - you like all of us are going through a massive life changing emotional impact where it can feel like our world has come crashing down around us while everyone else just gets on with it. If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer we can see how common this is. Waiting to get the answer is really hard - I used to cry in the shower.

What helped me was doing a living with less stress course, helped me concentrate on the here and now because I was really quite good at coming up with "what if's" and "when ..." that never actually happened. Meanwhile life still decided to throw curveballs and the conscious breathing tips are very helpful in dealing with these but also quite helpful in relaxation.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Batty, you are not selfish feeling the way you do. I go through stages where I can't stop crying, feeling afraid and I want to run away. At times,  yes I'm in denial can't believe whats happening to us, feel guilty on wanting to talk to someone then I don’t phone. I also feel exhausted at times specially when he gets a new tumour, then I go through the whole rollercoaster again. When I have calmed down, I'm OK. We enjoy life of sorts, my husband comes out in his mobility scooter on dry days and we walk the dog. 

You willbe surprised how strong we can be at times like this. 

Hi, I've been doing this for about 12 months and want to send a hug to you. I've discovered we're all different, and you'll find your own way. But for what it's worth, some things I've learned, which work for me... It's ok to cry, and it's ok to be honest with your partner - obviously it's your relationship not mine - in my case I don't want to overdo the drama but I'd rather be honest than hide everything.

You need information, so try to get it, but do it in bitesized chunks and from reputable groups like MacMillan or Cancer Research. Have you been allocated a Clinical Nurse Specialist yet? - if not, push to get one, and talk to them - they are brilliant and so reassuring and helpful.  Meanwhile, you can call the MacMillan helpline.

Yes, you're on a journey you didn't want to go on - and you're walking alongside him, but you're not him.  If you're going to support him you'll need to be strong but you also need to be yourself - so make sure you get a little bit of time and energy to focus on what makes you you. 

Very best wishes with it all.