Hello everyone, i am the primary carer for my lovely mum. She lives with me, she is 84 and a retired nurse. She recently (in the last month) had a diagnosis of advanced squamous cell carcinoma in her leg. This came from an ulcer she dressed herself for a few years but did not seek any medical help for. I was doing everything for her apart from her personal care until a few months ago. That was then I first saw the leg ulcer/open wound on her leg. I immediately got her to go to the GP and we started district nurses visiting to clean and dress it. It's a huge wound covering most of her calf and very deep. I can't believe how she didn't experience any pain whilst this was growing! She is currently in the system having had a biopsy by dermatology which showed the advanced tumour. Last week was an ultrasound and biopsy of her inguinal lymph nodes in her groin. And this Sunday is a CT body scan to check for possible spread. She doesn't have pain anywhere in her body apart from her leg and that is intermittent pain. It started hurting once being regularly cleaned and dressed but it is mild to moderate pain. We have seen her GP and she has codeine prescribed. We have been through the recrimination stage - I couldn't believe she had neglected this especially being a nurse - this is something she never would have neglected in one of her patients. It makes me so sad that this is something that needn't have happened. We are very close - I am her only child (I'm in my early fifties) and my dad died of bladder cancer in his sixties. That was very traumatic, we were and are a very close family and I had a breakdown in my 30s partly due to unresolved issues with my dad and also because I started suffering from depression in my 20s. i feel heartbroken for mum, the option she has been offered is amputation. It's not really an option, the surgeon said to remove her leg below the knee is the only way he can guarantee removing all the tumourous tissue as it covers such a large and deep area. It's been a shocking diagnosis, mum is so stoic and strong but for the first time, understandably, I have seen a fragile side to her. She is having panic attacks in the morning, her mind is playing tricks on her, she is having disturbing dreams, she sometimes wakes feeling she has been operated on and had a body part removed. Her appetite, always small, she is a very tiny lady, has dropped off a cliff. She can barely eat a few mouthfuls of a meal. I'm speaking to her GP again this Thurs to ask about a nutritional supplement (one of my friend's mum has Ensure prescribed) as I think her physical weakness is making her feel worse too. She is very fed up and already thinking about "the end". I go through episodes of calm where I can deal with it all and then explosive tears. When she had the diagnosis and then the amputation option I just collapsed sobbing. I love her so much, I don't want to lose her but I don't want her to suffer. I completely support whatever decision she makes, she has said she does not want her leg removed, she would prefer palliative care only. the hospital team are pushing the amputation idea but she favours quality over longevity which i completely understand and respect. It frightens me to think that if she does not have her leg removed, the cancer will continue to grow - what happens then? Will the bone be exposed? Will she be forced into an amputation? My dad had surgery, chemo and radiotherapy as he was in his 60s, it prolonged his life by a few years but I know he regretted some of that treatment and would have preferred a shorter but less invasive path - palliative care rather than aggressive attempts at curative care. i feel overwhelmed at times when I lie in bed and hear her restless in bed and looking panic stricken in the mornings. she doesn't really have friends, her friends from her youth are either died now or in other countries. she likes my friends and they often come and visit, I have some great friends which is a comfort but on a day to day basis and at night, which I'm sure most people find the hardest times, it is just the two of us. My love to all of you who are suffering and trying to do the best for your loved ones. Annabelle
