Just starting

Hi @fan - and welcome to our community. I might normally say sorry to hear about what you are going through but I can see you already got that - sad and tired they are very common emotions.

There is a shed load of information on prostrate cancer on our main site and even more on the prostrate cancer uk site but while lots of information can be good what we tend to need is something focussed more on the one we care for. Adding a stroke to the mix I am sure makes things rather more complex.

Glad you found us though and there are plenty of services we have found useful in our own journeys. Perhaps my biggest help was a living with less stress course - finally got my head around this strange idea of "mindfulness" - basically living in the here and now and enjoying what we have. The conscious breathing techniques I was taught were great when life basically decides it is time to throw a new curveball in to the mix but also and most important of all I think just getting a good nights sleep. Transcendental meditation though just tends to make me laugh.

Do feel free to dump here and we even have an extra special space The Room - please remember to slam the door on the way out!

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Fan I’m new here too (first post) and it was really helpful to read yours. My husband got a cancer diagnosis on 1st September (oesophageal/stomach) and we’re waiting for a PET scan next week to see if it’s spread. Like you our world has totally totally changed, like you too we’re not feeling angry or ‘why us’ but just trying to cope. I’m exhausted but trying to keep busy and not think too far ahead although it’s hard work stopping myself at times! 
I’m sure this community will be incredibly helpful and I will try and be helpful too if I can. 

I wish you and your husband all the very best Janedee and also you Steve and your partner. How lovely to get a response and know I have made a connection. Even now we still haven’t started.  I don’t know when our first appt will be yet, though we are meant to hear within the next week. In the meantime thankfully R has moved on from a weird sense of not knowing what is and what isn’t real - apparently this was a result of his stroke. It must have been so scary for him. Now he is again managing to sleep at night, and a simple suggestion from a stroke worker does seem to have helped. A little dilute lavender oil on inside wrists and pulse spots behind his ears have helped at night time. He would never have entertained such a thing before, but honestly - even if it’s only psychological, it seems to have made a difference. 
I couldn’t believe that today he started with an infection in his leg. Penicillin day one, so maybe we will be ready for the appt by the time we get it!  Actually this is all so unexpected, maybe it’s me who isn’t sure what’s real anymore. (I haven’t mentioned this anywhere else, but I feel I can say it here. He had his covid booster nearly 3 weeks ago and I can’t help wondering…). 
I am relieved that we are stable enough to be able to refer to the prostrate cancer now and neither of us searching info on it. He probably feels as I do- that it’s best to wait for the pros to tell us and keep saying to ourselves it might all be straightforward. So I think we are living in the present and that’s good. Maybe the effects of the “mini” stroke demands this. Friends would think the effects have been minimal, but I know they aren’t. Also they are unaware of the cancer. Anyway, if it hadn’t happened it would have been even longer before the cancer was noticed. 
in the meantime we have relearned how important it is to be able trust, and we are thankful for the kindness of others. We must be patient and this feels a precious time for us. R repeats that he is lucky and, quite honestly, we are. We are both past 75 and knowing we have been able to enjoy our lives together does help, I guess. But who knows if I’ll be feeling like this next week/month etc. 

I am stopping my ramblings there. I am sending you good thoughts. 

Hi I hope your ok? My husband has been through cancer 3 times so I know exactly how you feel, waiting for results etc. My suggestion is and I know it can be extremely difficult but try and not let cancer dominate your life 100%.  Try to talk about other things if only for a short time each day. Try to keep things as normal as possible.  I know this sounds impossible but if only for a short time everyday. Go out for lunch, anything else just to feel a little normal again. Be around people who don't know your situation. I hope this helps. 

Thanks Lin (and thanks Fan for your reply) that’s really helpful. I get what you mean and was talking to my daughter yesterday about not staying in a cancer bubble all the time. I think it still feels about surreal at times too!

Hi glad it helps. You will both still be in shock. But days out etc, doing normal things or treating yourselves really does help you stay calm. 

Hello again. It was over 2 weeks ago when I first posted and thank you for reading it and replying. 2 weeks on and I feel we are a little bit nearer to the start now. My husband, R, is - I think - doing well enough after his “mini” stroke but we are now awaiting our first scans to determine the extent of his cancer. I know very well how ill R is and am not expecting good news. When you live with someone, you know, don’t you, the many changes that are going on?  I feel R is disappearing in front of me. We are making the most of these lovely sunny days together and I am so thankful I can give him the care and treasure the time we have. We are honest with each other but just now I guess we we are still somewhat in denial until we have a basic understanding of where we really are. 
I would love to be able to speak about my feelings to a third party as just now I am focussing on normalising what is happening but underneath I know there is an uninvited guest lurking. So thank you for providing a way for me to express myself.  I had thought we were doing ok but today I see my husband as very ill because he is trying to prove to himself (and me) that he isn’t… and his struggle highlights how Ill he is. He is so tired!  So I do and say the right things and I’m reassuring etc, but only yesterday we had our first (phone) consultation and already we are told he may have bone cancer. Not a good start. Not good. 
Once we have a definite picture, and when R feels ready, we can share what is happening, but at the moment apart from a very few people, our story is just about the mini stroke - which thankfully seems to be resolving well. I don’t like pretending but I can do it. 
so that’s my ramble over. 

Hi such hard times, I hope your both ok? My husband had prostate cancer, his first cancer but luckily it was taken out in time, stage 2. Do you know what stage it is yet?

We found a really good site/forum on line all about people living with stage 4 prostate cancer for 15 years +. Sounds crazy I know but they did. I think the site was a site/chat forum is  for people with cancer around the world. If you try to search on Google for prostate cancer survival rate forums you will be amazed at with the right attitude it can really help. Even people with late stages. Waiting for the results is so hard and I really know how you both feel. Don't worry about telling people just yet only do it when your ready. It was a year before I could tell anyone. 

Just take one day at a time. If you/your husband feel it's all to much and just need to talk to a stranger phone McMillan counseling or just phone the Samaritans. You will have a good cry afterwards but it will help you off load and helps. 

Do keep in touch via this page to all of us. And please do  remember you are not alone x

Thank you so much for this Lin1. It’s very heartening and just to know you have read what I threw out there and responded is amazing. Today we now have a date for the scans and our lovely daughter is changing her work plans to try to be present. Also I have been able to offload to a trusted friend. 
And R is having an OK day …so it’s not all bad, is it?  

Hi the best of goodlook sent. Excellent you have scan dates. Hang in there. x