Hi There,
My partner (37F) has just been diagnosed with a grade 3 TNBC. She's undergoing more tests to establish staging, we are trying to remain positive but they are already concerned about her lymph nodes and her tumour is growing larger and larger by the day. We should find out everything when we meet the oncologist on the 7th January, which means we face a Christmas of uncertainty.
We are determined to try and enjoy the holiday, if not for us then for our little boy (3), but I know she's terrified, I'm terrified, my heart breaks every single day, when I look at her or I look at my baby boy. I can't help but go to that place that everything might be a last, that I have no idea what to expect and that I'm powerless to protect my family.
I'm angry, not with her of course but just life, this was meant to be the year of holidays before our son started school, had to cancel a once in a lifetime cruise and another trip. We were looking forward to having more money and remodelling our house once nursery fees stopped next year and this year we were also hoping to get marries, now that future feels like its been stolen and in limbo and we are contacting the registry office for a quicker marriage because it's easier if she dies and I just hate all of it, it's not fair, but then I guess cancer isn't fair.
We've been both experiencing a lot of 'toxic positivity' I know it's that people don't know what to say and think they are being encouraging saying 'she'll beat this, treatments are so good now, we knew someone with BC and they beat it' but we don't even know if there's even a chance to beat it or if it's already spread to far, She's worried she will be letting people down if she can't beat it.
We have been talking and open with each other, I know my job is to support her, help her to understand things, ask questions she maybe doesn't feel brave to ask then support her in whatever she chooses. I just hope I can live up to that and be the rock she needs me to be. Our insurance provides access to counselling which I am keen to access if needed, I know I need to keep myself on an even keel to be able to support her and our boy.
Sorry more of a rant than anything else but I just needed to get that out.
