Grieving my Dad whilst he’s still here

Hi again,

This blog is full of tips and experience collected from our community.

<<hugs>>

Steve

I'm so sorry to read your post. I really know how you're feeling. My husband was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer in April and the prognosis is not good. Both my daughter and I have felt exactly the same as you, that we are grieving him whilst he's still here. I've spent many a night crying myself to sleep. 

I have found the best way to cope is to live for the moment. We try and find pleasure in the every day and make good memories. I try not to think about the future, I will deal with that when it happens otherwise it's too scary. As soon as a thought comes into my head about what's going to happen I push it away and focus on trying to make the most of now whilst he's still with us.

B x

Hello, 

I am really sorry to hear about your Dad. Sending you a big hug. I understand how you feel, I found out this week that my mum has Ovarian cancer that has spread to her liver. Although we are still waiting for more results I feel as if I am already losing her. It has come as such a shock and I don’t think anyone can prepare you for the feeling. I feel ok when I’m with my mum but as soon as I go home I panic and worry about her. I am trying to stay positive and live each day as it comes but whenever I think of the future potentially without her I break down. Sorry I can’t offer you any advice but I am always here if you want to chat. I know how difficult it is to remain positive and strong. Sending lots of love. 

Your situation is so sad and I really feel for you as I am in a similar place  ; my daughter has stage four pancreatic cancer and has two young children. I too find myself grieving , anticipatory grief,  and at times it on overwhelming. In other replies I see that one way of dealing with these intense feelings is to live in the moment and I think that is good advice. I tell myself that today my daughter is living .... with cancer and try to focus on the here and now. Someone else suggests deliberately pushing these sad thoughts to the back of your mind .I have been trying this and although it takes some doing it works especially if I switch on the radio or TV to take my mind off things. Reading these texts here has made me realise how many others are in the same situation and maybe by keeping in touch we can support one another if we have a bad day.

Hi

im so sorry you are going through this so young, im only 32 and my mom has been diagnosed with lung liver and spinal mets and they cannot work out the primary although suspect pancreas .. im absolutely devastated / we only found out on saturday and i feel like im already grieving and wondering how i will or can cope when she isnt here. I have 2 very young children who adore her and who she adores and i cant help feeling angry they will have her ripped away from them. 
im trying to keep busy and sorting things for her as best i can but i almost feel like a part of me has already died when when we were told so god only knows how i will feel when the inevitable does happen.the only thing that i have started is i have booked a GP app to request some specialist counselling so that i can offload to a professional and be the best version of myself when im with my mom. 
if you ever want to talk/cry im here doing the same xxx