Hi Everyone,
Mum got her diagnosis of secondary breast caner that has spread to her liver and bones a few weeks ago and since then my world has been turned upside down. She has moved in with me and I just feel like I can't cope. I think it is the shock and also not knowing what to do. Initially I was signed off at work but I am in a new role and do not get sick pay so have gone back today. I am a social worker so my job is to support others. I feel that this is something I am desperately struggling with but can't face applying for other jobs at the moment.
Mum and I get on well but I find it so hard having her around so much and watching her suffer, she keeps positive but I can't seem to, I have had mental health struggles before and am concerned that I am slipping back to that unhealthy place. I know I have strategies that can help me but can't seem to apply them at the moment. I think the biggest thing is this feeling of uselessness and like I am not good at anything. I guess this relates to knowing that she won't get better but it is hard to think this as she is chatting away to her friends like everything is normal. People are aware of what is going on and I have to listen to her talking about it a lot.
I feel like my friends are all busy moving on with their lives and I am stuck in this living nightmare unable to plan things or think into the future. My partner lives with me, she is supportive and I know she cares, I just feel like a drain and not the upbeat happy person I used to be.
Not sure if anyone can relate to this or help, I just think maybe I need to talk, I met someone from the local hospice that I can have counselling with which I think will help but she hasn't contacted me since my assessment last week so that hasn't started yet. I also feel selfish for even moaning about these things when I am not the one who is facing what Mum is.
Hi Foxrock
I would like to really thank you for your post if will echo with so many of our friends on here - the best club we want nobody to join.
I get what you mean about strategies, when I have received help I recognize exactly the techniques people use but somehow they don't work on ourselves. Perhaps the most important message though is you are not at all selfish - caring for a loved one is really hard but like anything of that ilk can be really rewarding.
It can be easy to thing we are separate from the world but what I found when I "came out" at work was how many people were actually dealing with something very similar. We all know the statistics on cancer but somehow think our family will be immune, cancer is certainly not the easiest of topics to being up over a coffee.
<<hugs>>
Steve
