Hello
2 years ago my then 67year old wife was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. After a course of radium treatment at the Christie Oldham she was eventually given the all clear. We continued to see the Macmillan nurse every 3 months & indeed the last time we saw her approx. 3 weeks ago she suggested my wife see her every 6 months.
2 days later she phoned to say an irregularity had been spotted & she would need to see a consultant? 3 days later we did to be told she had a cancer in her lung at the back of her Heart?
He did not know if was a residue from the first one or if it was a new one? Radium is out of the question as she had already had it initially.
over the course of a week we attended different Hospitals for a Brain Scan, Biopsy & y/day a pet scan. We see him again this coming Wednesday.
On the first meeting he said it was "incurable"?? yet how can he say this if he needed the above tests to see what kind of cancer it is? Is this just a bad choiuce of words? I will endeavour to ask him on Wednesday.
On top of this we are both disabled. I have relunctantly accepted the situation but my wife is struggling with it. She seems to be blaming me?? her mobility before this diagnosis was far better than now, as she is sleeping a lot more & when downstairs wears Sunglasses & wants the curtains closed? It's like sitting in a morgue.
She does not want to engae in conversation nor see any of our 4 sons or 5 g/sons? It's as though she wants to cut herself off from all?
I am now doing more than ever. I've tried to motivate her---without success. She tells me what she wants for dinner then when its ready she doesn't want it? instaed settling for a bowl of corflakes or the like?
The consultant offered he chemo which she dismissed out of hand saying "if I'm going to die I don't want to linger"?
On the Q.T. i phoned her Macmiullan nurse & asked her in her opinion how long does my wife have? She replied 6 months with Chemo & Poss. 12 with??
I am convinced she has not yet come to terms with whats been said, & is in a deep depression? Has anyone else had similar?
Thanks
Stelor
Hi Stelor
So sorry to read your story, my wife's tale if very different since she has incurable Leiomyosarcoma. Janice never wanted a prognosis and frankly they is often little to recommend them - who is this "average" person anyway.
We were told with sarcoma that chemotherapy has often not effective but it became the only choice on the table. The first round was rough and caused a lung to collapse - that was fixable through. The second round though rendered her cancer stable and we have been there for about 6 years now.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Stelor - "getting it out" is exactly why the community exists so for that reason alone you have no reason to be sorry but fee a sense of pride in what you have done.
The decision "chemo or not" is often one of the most difficult anyone is asked to make because lawfully the oncologist must ensure the patient makes an informed decision and one of the risks, just like in crossing the road, is someone could die. I have even known someone who died in a road traffic accident on their route to the chemotherapy unit.
In the UK it is pretty much unheard of for someone to be offered chemotherapy unless the oncologist thought it would be beneficial, most oncology drugs are really very expensive - one of my friends drugs cost something like £20,000 per dose!
At the moment immunotherapy is coming out of experimental towards operational but as such the long term success is mostly not established, certainly the prognosis is unlikely to include patients treated with immunotherapy.
If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer we can see how boringly normal and predictable our feelings are - enough to make us sick - as they say though information is power and talking to people who have been through this might help. As well as here you would be welcomed by our friends in Lung cancer forum and then you both might have a bit better insight in to how the system works.
<<hugs>>
Steve
