New to caring and feeling overwhelmed

It's the hardest place I've been too. I don't sleep well which doesn't make life easier so some days feel worse than ever, but we'll find our way through it all xx

It is a difficult place that we are all in. I know that my husband will die within the next few weeks.  He is my hero as he is so positive and is paving the way for me by explaining things I need to do after he has gone financial etc.  I am being brave for him too.  I just want his last few weeks to be happy and comfortable.  It’s just that sometimes it is hard not to feel self-pity.  You are all amazing and doing a fantastic job and yes we will get through this.  

I am literally crying my eyes out reading this! We have only just been told they found a tumour in my husband’s colonoscopy on Thursday and we are awaiting the CT and MRI. Ever since he has been relatively positive, but I have been a mess! Feeling guilty for having feeling as you all seem to do as being in Limbo. My husband is only 48 And we have two young children. All I can think is life will never be the same again. Wildly lurching from feeling so broken hearted to incredibly angry wondering why us! 
It’s helped to see that I’m not the only one feeling this way so thank you all for sharing xx

Omg. Thank you.  I am a step away as this is my mom. However, I am trying to balance my home( how selfish as I) Trying so hard to run my house plus the traumas of our children and their children. My dad in his 90's thinks he should handle everything!  Mom, who is under ttreatment for this plus her rheumatoid arthritis and her . Everyone is in limbo, terrified of upsetting her yet thinking its not just about you. Now we all feel guilty. Dad is drinking and although I berate him I can fully understand where he is coming from. At this moment in time every thing revolves around Mom. She will not allow cleaners in, so that comes down to me. If you raise the topic she reverts to tears which means we all give up. She is depressed, fed up and frightened but what can we do? I have never felt so abandonedProblem is when you appear to be coping no one cares.

I am so very sorry to hear your sad news, this will be me at some stage and it's very hard to envisage  a future without my dear husband. I have many days of self pity, then guilt for thinking about myself but it's so hard imagining how your life will instantly change when they are gone, nothing will ever be the same and I'm already expecting overwhelming grief and loneliness. I hope you have a lot of friends and family around you at what is going to be an unbearably difficult time.

The first weeks after diagnosis are a whirlwind of emotions from disbelief, sheer terror then anger.  It will be a very difficult journey but I found that once it really sank in and a treatment plan was in place I began to think rationally again and focused on the practical things that needed to be done. You will have so many feelings that you may want to shield your husband from and I have found this forum invaluable when I need to Vent.

When you attend appointments make a note of all the things you want to ask as from experience, in the early days, our minds went blank as soon as we saw the consultants.

Hi. My mum was diagnosed a few weeks ago with bowel and secondary in her liver and has been told she won’t live long. She is my best friend and I don’t have words to explain anything anymore. As you say I am sure we will find the strength we need xx

I could have written most of this myself!! It’s so hard, isn’t it. Prople say, take one day at a time, but often it’s just one minute at a time and a whole day seems like a mountain! What sometimes helps me is the knowledge that we have friends and support, and that however bad I feel, the emotion does dissipate and change, and I just try to get on with the next thing. I tell myself that it must be harder for him, this horrible dripping blob on the groin, but then I’m dresssing it every day, and now in radiotherapy it’s getting to be twice a day. Lack of sleep is a problem too for me - I wake up knowing I have not had enough.

Thank you Macmillan for the space to put it down for a moment. 

I often feel that way.

My husband is coping fantastically with his endless hospital appointments and different treatments, and staying postive. He is squeezing the pips out of the life he has got. I have been, and still am, terribly down and anxious for him, and for my future life without him - but I too daren't lean on him and spoil his positivity.

Radiotherapy was a tougher drag than immunotherapy has been. My heart goes out to you.

I also get the assumption he'll be fine from well wishers, because he has Mucosal Melanoma and they assume that'll be like so and so's cutaneous mole removal (Melanoma) .... when I was faced with a 12-14month prognosis and scary treatments leading to possible remission but no cure. But the treatments are doing their stuff and he's still here and active, despite the bad times around ops and radiotherapy.

Ramble away if it helps - there are many more of us doing the same!