After just beginning to regain his strength from a stroke 10 months ago and two major surgeries on his carotid arteries, in January my husband was diagnosed with Inoperable eosophagus cancer. From mild symptoms he now cannot take anything orally and has been fitted with a RIG feeding tube. We are into the fourth week of chemo/ radiotherapy. In the first weeks after the diagnosis I'm afraid I completely went to pieces. Disbelief followed by anger, helplessness, and uncontrolable outbursts of sobbing. Finally I managed to get myself together somewhat, and focus on my husband and how frightened he must be. It's frightening that he has deteriorated so quickly .The daily 70 mile round trips for treatment are not helping him, especially as they are always running at least an hour late which is very distressing for him. Practically I do all I can for him but although he doesn't say , I think he thinks I have turned into a real nag. I worry he's always cold, that he takes all his medications and feeds through the feeding tube. It's just my way of coping, otherwise I feel so helpless. He sleeps most of the day when we are not at the hospital and is very depressed, saying very little. Terrible to say, but I already miss the larger than life husband with a wicked sense of humour and endless practical jokes. I love him to pieces and to see him so frail is breaking my heart.
People say to make the most of each day, and to make memories but when someone can't eat or drink at all and walking is difficult there is really nowhere we can go which doesn't involve either. There is no answer I know. Family say if you need anything, just ask, but there really isn't anything .
